When I'm aware that I've fallen short, caused myself or another grief of any sort whether it could be classified as "sin" or not my tendency is to try and whip myself back into shape. I was outta line, gotta get myself back into line.
It feels righteous and dignifying. Getting pleasure out of beating myself over the head (in my head) when I've gotten myself into a pit. But it's completely unbiblical, ungodly and produces virtually nothing beneficial. Does it help when you use this method with your children? Did it with you when you were a child? So why is it so appealing? Because it comes natural and without much effort. And because I feel like I'm at least immediately "doing something about it." A little spoonful of shame and condemnation makes for a perfect recipe of Stuck-pie.
What then are my other options? What would my understanding of Scripture offer me as another pathway to change?
I believe this is what the great Physician, the great Healer Jesus would write out to me if I were to pay him a visit with this particular ailment:
Rx: Love, PRN.
My notion comes from 1 Peter 4:8
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
I've previously took this verse to mean when others have sinned against me, just turn the other cheek and pretend like nothing happened and this "love" will magically cover over my pain or offense caused from another's sins.
I now see a different perspective from reading this verse.
When I'm reminded of my humanity and my states of brokenness which cause me to do or say some stupid things that I later on regret, my default method of beating myself up about it does no good.
The remedy is love, not self-abasement.
I'm simply and frankly in need of more love, that is why I'm hurting others and/or myself. I've taken my love deficit and made it somebody else's problem. When I make it somebody else's problem, then I'm giving the solution away and out of my hands. I'm now learning to make it my problem, not another's. It's up to me to find a remedy that actually works and makes a difference, for me. My creative techniques of shaming myself don't bring about any transformation, it's a futile diversion. My invitation from Jesus is to simply get loved more by Him. He isn't a dry well. His love never runs dry. His love and basking in that is something I will never outgrow the need for, no matter how mature I become in this lifetime.
How does this happen? What does this look like?
It's all internal at first. It's all invisible. It's where transformation takes place...in what I tell myself. In what thoughts in my head I choose to make an agreement with or a disagreement with. Loving myself isn't selfish. Or maybe it is. I need to give myself permission to be selfish at times then, or I will become devilish. In loving myself, I'm internalizing the truth of God's love, I'm making it real for myself. I'm doing what an adult and grown woman can learn to do for herself, but that which a young child cannot. -Love and accept myself without depending on others to do this FOR me. It's a much easier task when that was experienced while growing up, but not impossible...not with God.
Love really is the answer. I'm becoming more and more convinced, the crap that I feel and then generously pass along to others, is because of this love deficit I feel from time to time. More often than I'd care to admit.
"Love your neighbor as yourself."
Jesus says.
If my love towards my neighbor is mirrored or reflective of my love towards myself, then my capacity to love my neighbor lays in my capacity to love myself. If I hear this command not just as a command, but as a reality of a physical law of love and how it works, then what I hear is that I can only love my neighbor as well as I can love myself. Therefore it is not selfish to love myself, for my love towards neighbor is directly linked to my love towards self.
Love is the key. Love is the answer. When I'm faced with the temptation to shame and ridicule myself out of my ruts, the first question I can ask myself to act as a buffer can be: "is this loving towards myself?" And the same goes when I'm tempted to shame and ridicule my neighbor, my spouse, my sister, my in-laws or the person in front of me who's taking forever at the Redbox machine.."is this loving towards my neighbor?" I bet I'll discover quickly that when I'm finding the answer is "no" to the second question it's because I'm acting out of a love deficit. This is a symptom of a love deficit, towards myself. Thankfully I have a Lord I can go to 24-hours a day. He'll never get sick of me coming to Him to get this filled, for He knows His love is the remedy to all my aches and pains -self inflicted and others inflicted.
So to answer the rhetorical question this started out with, I've done a little turn-a-round..
"Tell me how I'm suppose to breathe with no air?" -to- "Tell me how I'm supposed to love my neighbor with no love towards myself"? --same answer to both questions...-can't.
