Psalm 1:1-3

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

or stand in the way of sinners

or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers."

Okay, so I'm feeling quite pensive and wanted to get some stuff out from my mind and heart. Maybe it will encourage you, I hope you find it to do so. Maybe it will annoy you, I hope you don't find that the case...but however you find yourself is up to you, and that's between you, yourself and God. I'm not "that girl" who tries to tell you how it is, and how you should be, think, function, or live. I'm aware that people who read my blog are from all different "perspectives" and places in their journey of life here. And so am I. If you'd like to hear where I'm at in this, read on and I'm sure you'll gather where that is according to your scales. I realize I seem defensive in this, it's just that I've honestly been misunderstood plenty about this stuff, and wanted to communicate my intention or purpose in this. Being misunderstood and then judged...it happens to the best and to the worst of us...-it's life. But life won't shut me up that easily...yet!! So however you choose to respond...know that. That's my little disclaimer here:) That said...I'll get on with it...

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers."

It takes intention and execution of a plan out of that intention, to keep this truth and guidance alive and able to operate to its full capacity/measure. In other words; it doesn't "just happen" on its own. The "it" I'm referring to is the intention to NOT walk in the counsel of the wicked etc. and the high degree of intention and the tenacity required to execute this "game-plan", doesn't happen on default. Left to just live with your setting on "default mode" I wholeheartedly believe that, it will NOT happen!!

So, how can one discern what "the counsel of the wicked" is? Or "the way of sinners" or how it feels to "sit in the seat of mockers"? Read on to verse 2!

"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night."

Pretty straight-forward answer...God's law, or His Word. And one doesn't become able or sufficiently equipped to discern the above mentioned if he/she is "familiar" or "acquainted" with God's Word. It's not if one can quote chapter or books of Scripture from memory; it's first and foremost a condition/matter and disposition of one's heart, in other words, the attitude of their heart... "his DELIGHT is in the law of the Lord". He's not dutifully bound to know God's Word. He's not assigned and therefore responding out of an obligation & responsibility to know God's Word...he DELIGHTS in it. Even if no outside pressure to know the Word was felt by him, he would continue to meditate on God's laws and His Word. This is when you can be lost in time, spending hours in the Scriptures, yet not realizing how much time has gone by, because you are just pouring into what delights you...God.

"He is like a tree planted by streams of water,"

Not a rushing gushing river? I guess not. They are streams, slow and steady. But a profound and beautiful and strong thing comes out of these streams. It wasn't the chief purpose of the streams existence, but rather a byproduct of being streams...and therefore planting a tree.

"which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither."

Good and lasting fruit that the streams planted and continue to nurture this tree to the point of producing fruit in season and without having the leaves wither from production of fruit. It's roots are constantly and steadily being nurtured by the streams of water in which planted this tree.

"whatever he does prospers."

Isn't this what we all long for? To be prosperous in whatever we do? But that was the by-product of the tree being planted, which was the by-product of the streams of water. The streams of water seem to me to be an outlet of something else that resulted in an overflow from abundance, that in turn, created the streams of water, that in turn, planted a tree, that in turn, yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Is this all a by-product of simply delighting in God and His Word..which reveals His heart and mind? Could it be that simple, yet seems so out of reach...the end product is what I'm referring to? Yes!...But NO! Ahhhh!!! Ahhhaa. When you delight in God and in His Word, and therefore; are intentional in discerning His ways as a means to knowing His heart and His mind, with executing your whole life and it's decisions that life presents to you, in this light or fashion...the natural, yet somehow super-natural, byproduct is a life found to drawn in contrast with this amazing parallel to this tree that was planted by streams of water and which produces it fruit in season and doesn't wither.

Huhh...something to chew on. It does not happen over night, just like a tree isn't planted over night by streams, and in the morning to follow will produce this fruit. It takes time and a constant and steady flow that results as this tree. It's a byproduct of sowing and reaping over time. Slowly but surely, by the grace of an almighty God with a real and true everlasting love. Wow, I want that! I stumble and fall and wither up...but then look at this piece of Scripture and am greatly encouraged.

Taah Daaahh.

That's that.

Chill out!

Just some random stuff in my head that I've been thinking about recently...here's some stuff i'm saying to myself in my head. In case you were wondering if I talk to myself...yes, I DO!!^^

We should all quit wishing our lives away and start enjoying our lives NOW. Whatever and wherever we find our current circumstances...they will soon fade away, so enjoy them while they last and quit looking ahead to someday when blah blah blah happens...life is happening now and about a year ago I decided to start enjoying my life NOW. Especially with my daughter because her years with me when I can snuggle with her and play with her will all be history too soon.

Life is short. Let me say it again...life is short...-play hard, love hard, work hard, rest hard, pray hard, worship hard, and then die hard. Do it all the way, be carefree but not careless and hasty.

Lighten up...don't be so dang uptight about everything...especially yourself. Just like Solomon says in Ecclesiastes...(I'm paraphrasing)...live your life and enjoy all you have to the fullest...yet remember that you will indeed one day be called to give an account of how you lived your short life on earth.

Thank God for grace...abundant grace...thank God for that Jesus Christ who offered up this awesome grace for any and all who would accept and turn from themselves to Him....or what a bloody stinkin mess covered with a nice and pretty facade we'd find many of ourselves in...only sooo long until that facade will inevitably fade away...bye bye...adios...all gone..PERIOD.

emotionally constipated

I'm a girl. So, girls are by nature; more emotional, right? Well, actually I think that guys are emotional in their own right, but just have much different ways of re-channeling their emotions than the other half of us; some are healthier, some are not. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going to end up with all of this, but just wanted to do some rambling on the topic of emotions.

Been doing some thinking and stuff about the whole thing of human emotions, they are an amazing thing aren't they?!...emotions. They can get us in a lot of trouble if we show them too much, and they can get us in a lot of trouble by stuffing them too much. What a conundrum.

In society at large; I'll speak of American society I guess since that's where I have most of my experience^^...emotions are a weird thing. By the way, it's inevitable that I'm going to make some generalizations here...there are always going to be many many exceptions...but from my own little point of view here (which is all I can offer since I'm not all-knowing)...this is my take on it...at this particular time.

Emotions are for the most part; best to keep a lid on, at least this is the message many of us grow up being told in one way or another. We are taught from early childhood, how to "behave" or what is acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior, which has it's good and beneficial place; but aren't most of our behaviors as children (and I guess as adults too) caused or put in motion by an emotion of some sort? I'm no psychologist here; just a person who lives everyday experiencing life...but definitely no expert^^ but doesn't this kinda bug you? Well, it doesn't really bug me and make me loose sleep over it, but I do see the contradiction here and I guess this is my own way of trying to blabber about it in an attempt to process it and make some sort of sanity out of it.

Uncontrolled emotions can be very harmful; to self and to others. Yeah...I get that...trust me...-I get that one. But seriously...don't people usually get to that point of exploding or boiling over to a certain extent with emotions BECAUSE they were not given much "permission" to express those emotions initially? What's better? If they (and I guess I'm referring to mostly children and adolescents -but eventually these children/adolescents become adults) are given the chance or permission or dare I even say, encouragement, to safely blow off their steam at the onset of them...and therefore be able to process it within a safe and loving environment, (which ideally would be the family or the closest thing one has to that), therefore letting it blow off and watch it go up in some minor vapor or steam...rather than holding it in and having it go up later in toxic flames because it was being stuffed too long and shouldn't have; wouldn't the former be far better than the latter? But why is this so seldom the case? Especially within "Christian households"?

I'm not really speaking about my own "stuff" here, because I'm old enough to know now that it's not only MY stuff, rather it's something rather common. And if you're not old enough or versed enough in life to get that, then hmmm...sorry...got nothing for ya here on that...

Anyways...tangents...uhhhggg!! Well, okay Kristen...just let it out...blow off some steam about blowing off steam!!! Hehehe...okay. Well, I just don't like how people are so enamored with emotionally constipating themselves and their children? What is it with people these days and being so emotionally-phobic? Okay, I know I'm probably hitting on somebody's nerve...ohhh...do you feel your emotions rising? Well...you should just stuff them or relax and act like it's nothing. Just take an emotional laxative later on...which actually is just a delusion. Enough of the patronizing..

I get that people shouldn't wear their emotions on the cuffs of their sleeves. OK...I GET THAT! And aren't I doing a great job of demonstrating that one?! But what about the other extreme? Why is it not okay for people...especially people whom we are in relationship with....whether is be really intimate or just more acquaintanceship...not okay? What are we afraid of here? REALITY? Why does our culture say you must first hide or mask those strong emotions? Man, I guess I'm being too vague here.

I have a 3 year-old daughter who could be explained as the quintessential of being emotionally free. Well, she's 3. She's hasn't been completely "civilized" yet, but I sometimes think to myself...I'm going to, or at least I want to teach my child that the way she is wired is a strength and I can handle that...at least I'd better be able to handle that -don't have much of a choice! Yet I want to be able to show her how to effectively channel her emotions to be let out in a way that is beneficial to her and to others...and that's not going to happen by just telling her to "Shut-up", either by saying just that, or by saying it not exactly like that, but rather in a more passive-aggressive manner...whatever that looks like. But the funny thing is...I think I'm realizing, I don't really know how to do this myself!!! So, it's the blind leading the blind...but my first steps in walking this direction is to see it for what it really is. That is; to see it as it is...not as the way it "should" be or the way I wish it was.

And that, I guess brings me a little more close to my point here. Why are we (including me btw) so uptight about one expressing their emotions to us...(I'm referring to people we are in relationship with, not strangers off the street) instead we get all uptight...why can't people just see things as they are and say things as they are and then work through that? I realize that in doing this...many misconceptions will undoubtedly arise or be revealed...but that's okay, actually this is what, in my opinion, is what we should embrace and be ready to engage in...it's the door way to truth, reality, or the realization of how far we are from reality and truth...it is what it is..and if we can't say what we think/feel..how can we work out the misconceptions? If my daughter tells me she doesn't like me and that I'm mean...than she's expressing her current emotion in response to something...I think I should be okay with that. If I tell my husband or sister something I see or feel in response to something they have said or done...then I'm speaking or sharing my emotion or feeling about that...it's not writing it down in stone...it's just blowing off steam.

Now I realize that, as an adult doing this, I'm much better off by making it very clear in the beginning to the other person that is what I'm doing...just blowing off some steam...and not claiming absolutes, statements or judgements about them...but I and they should be allowed to do this...in an effort to move forward and get on with life...not to just stuff it because it doesn't sound very nice!

Do you get it? If not, and you think I'm a nut...then I guess I'd be a hypocrite in saying you can't tell me that...given what I've been saying in this post, in my attempt to blow off my little steam. Choo choo...I'm out--PEACE~!!

Snowy Day Ramblings

We're having another little snow storm here in MN. Man, it was pretty nice to have those few days of above freezing temperatures, but that was short-lived.

I don't take too much to the long winters here in MN. I kinda wish I could pack up my family and a couple of friends in MN and move them all down to somewhere that has much shorter and milder winters. It's not that I don't like winter, but it just seems to be getting longer and longer every year!

I've thought several times of moving away from MN. It sounds really nice actually, but I'd definately want my sisters and their families to come with, which is the hard part! I guess every place has its pros and cons. So at least for the next few years...we'll have to endure the MN winters...and learn to enjoy them more. Having a child helps...children seem to love winter and snow, which is good.

Slumdog Millionaire

Wow, I am really on a roll here, I've been writing a lot of blogs lately. It's actually in part because my husband got a new laptop, and I'm enjoying using it too -a new toy!

So yeah...last night my sister and I saw Slumdog Millionaire and I love the movie. I even bought the soundtrack today.

What is it that pulled me into this movie? That's kind of a hard question to answer, because I can't really put my finger on it. It could be because it's a foreign/independent film...and I really like learning and exposing myself to other countries and cultures from their own standpoint...not a Hollywood-American glamour shots' view - I guess I've claimed that I like raw reality, and man...you are definitely exposed to raw reality from the slums of Mumbai, India in this movie. I also have a special interest in India for a couple of reasons. We sponsor a precious little girl there and I've kinda grown fond of her via letter writing and picture exchanges. Also, from reading several books written by native India born-American citizens. Another great movie I saw a couple of years ago that really was the initial eye opener for me regarding the slums in India was Born Into Brothels which broke my heart to watch, while also swelling it up with compassion for these children and giving me a reality check.

So, why did I like this movie so much? Ok ok ok...maybe it's because I'm a sucker for love. This had a beautiful love story intertwined with all the gut wrenching scenes of the slums in India and what those children's lives are like growing up there.

I don't want to give away too much of the movie; but this character Jamal does win over, or at least won over my heart. But nonetheless...these are the movies right? But what's up with that tug in the heart that made me such a sucker for this kind of romance?

When we got home and I was telling this to my husband...as he was rolling his eyes at me, I told him there's something more to it then just the movie and making your heart beat a little faster. This is what I strongly believe we were created for and long for. To be sought after like this Jamal character does so winsomely. But ultimately...this craving and longing in our hearts to be pursued after for who we are and not what we have to offer was placed in us by our Creator who is consumed with an everlasting, pursuing and passionate love for us as His beloved people. It's great when we can get those little glimpses from the movies that tap into this part of our hearts or genetic makeup, but then what? Leave you hanging and daydreaming! Well...I'm so thankful that I have found my Ultimate soul-mate...my Creator and Lord Jesus Christ. He is the One who can fulfill and make me realize what and why that longing is there for. It's a beautiful thing when you have the eyes of faith to see this and the reality from experiencing it firsthand from the Lord. It can really free you up to stop searching for that in people and things that ultimately do not fulfill that longing. And I know I'm not crazy for admitting this...it's the world that will tell us in some sort of fashion that we are crazy or making things up when seeing this reality...the reality that we were formed out of love...for One love to fulfill...and that is the love from God...shown in Jesus Christ. Awww...all the things we constantly do to deny this or reject this or belittle this...we think we can get it from our own resources or from other people's resources...but that is just like trying to bit into a nice juicy steak, not realizing it's in a ziplock bag! It will not satisfy even though it appears like it will.

This is in many respects how I have experienced life with God so far. He's Who I've been looking for all of my life...and I'm the one He's been constantly pursuing and waiting and pursuing and waiting...for me to return His love and invitation to walk in the fullness of a relationship with Him. Well, this is my raw reality...sometimes it's too raw for some I guess...

Continuation of $40,000 + piece of paper :)

A great friend challenged my thinking and I wanted to narrow in on how I explain my own views on education.

Education is something that should be highly valued by individuals and society. There are many benefits to earning your degree other than just getting a job. For example, the intellectual growing and maturing process that hopefully takes place. Granted, it also takes quite a bit of discipline in completing a degree, or else on the contrary; it does not require a lot of self-discipline, rather just the ability to follow someone else's instructions and accomplish what your Prof or class instructor defines as adequate to please them, therefore earning a grade according to their scale of sufficiency. Hmmm...this may be another tangent...

I want to pass this value onto my daughter; that education is very important and to encourage her to go far and do well in it. I honestly think that from my personal experience as an adolescent, unfortunately I undervalued my education by far. If I had valued it more, I think my life would have been quite different...not necessarily happier, but quite different nonetheless. But, taking that into consideration now and applying it to my life as a young adult with her own family now, who hasn't completed her degree due to the above reason mentioned...should I now go for it? Well, personally I think that it isn't necessary at this time, given my current circumstances and measuring it with the values I currently seem to hold (which may change...and that's okay..it doesn't have to be dogmatic)

Am I throwing education off to the wayside because I deem it "too late" to do me any real good? Absolutely not. I value education now so much more then when I was in my younger years...therefore; I am a (wannabe) avid reader. I love to participate in intellectual stimulating activities...my brain feasts upon it, even if I don't completely understand it! I love to read and research and write about things I'm learning or in the process of even changing paradigms because of things I learn, and I love it! That's a huge reason why I think I take to this blogging stuff! I may not be an excellent writer and I may struggle through reading certain material...but I love it and am growing ever so slowly in the process. This, I think brings much value to society.

In order for higher learning to be of benefit; excluding job placement factors...does not necessarily mean learning must be done in a classroom, in a formal institutionalized setting and structure. I ask myself..."Does our culture tend to overrate institutionalized higher education far and above experience and 'free' learning that does not result in a recognized degree?"

Going to school/college to receive a formal education, is one (expensive) of several avenues to take when your goal is plainly to educate yourself and to grow intellectually. It's an admirable endeavor, but in my personal opinion...our society isn't necessarily better off if people just got their college educations. Well, let me re-phrase that...it's quite plausible to say that our economy may likely be better off if there were more college educated people dwelling in it. But, that does not necessarily equate a better society or a wiser one; in holistic terms.

So, I guess to summarize it I could say; higher education that results in some sort of degree is very valuable and an admirable thing to obtain, but should be put in it's proper place when deciding how to apply this value/asset into one's personal goals to achieve when it comes to education at a later age. This is all my thinking out loud, or on a screen on this issue...fun issue...but who knows...I could be reading, learning new stuff that may cause me to re-think all of this stuff in my endeavors to learn as I go...outside of the walls of institutionalized higher-learning...

Slumdog

Wow. If you named any random movie that's come out in the past decade, I probably didn't see it...even if it was a hit and won tons of awards...I probably didn't see it. I'm just not all that into movies. I'm a little snobby about them, in my own way. I don't know much about them because I think most of them are a waste of time...but I just saw Slumdog Millionaire tonight with my sister, and wow. I absolutely feel in love with this movie and the characters...especially the children. If you haven't seen it yet...this is one of those very few I'd totally recommend, and see it in the big screen...totally worth it. I may write more about it later because it's late...but if you haven't seen it...go see it.

The soundtrack is pretty catchy too...I wanna get my hands on that one...