Okay, I'm going to make an attempt in approaching some new thoughts flying around in my head. In no way are these thoughts solidified; I'm in the process of beginning to question some views or positions based on some of my understandings, and now I believe possible misunderstandings regarding this issue of parenting/disciplining. If they are not misunderstandings I hold, then when I'm done with this thought process, I hope I'll be more grounded and a little less confused on some gray areas. This whole process is called growth. If we NEVER are able to question why we believe what we believe, and why we do what we do based on those beliefs...than growth is severely handicapped. I'm afraid someone whose unable to allow them to search these questions and their answers out, will just be a product of whatever their environment/society/culture, they find themselves in, and that ALONE.
Anyways, I guess I'm starting to kinda question some of this stuff relating to my walk with God (and Him being our Heavenly Parent so to speak). I'm getting pretty fed up with what I think I used to feel quite comfortable in regarding rules and justice and all that, then of course trying to factor this all in with being a parent. So, I guess I'm thinking a lot about this stuff recently also because of some new ways of thinking that were, I must admit, persuasively introduced to me relating to disciplining my child. The major context in which I'm trying to fit this stuff into is in that relationship -of being a parent, and how that role is different than what I think I thought before...which was, in part, as the loving administrator of justice in the home for the benefit of the child/the family, the Kingdom of God, and to society at large.
Is it necessarily loving to try and maintain justice? Is the answer to this question different depending on the context of the relationship(s) whether in society or in your family or close network of friends? And the circumstance of the issue at hand? I'm beginning to think Yes, yes, and yes.
Justice is very important to me. My mom has always said this about me...but, at least in my perception, it was in more of a concerning manner. I think that the issue of justice and fairness IS important...but must be put in its proper place in the grand scheme of things. One must take into consideration some of the following; the kind of relationship it is, the circumstances that surround that relationship, and the whole purpose of the relationship(s). Not everything is as black and white as I or most of the human race would like it to be.
So, this leads me to confession time. I am hugely able to relate to the Pharisee. I can experience feelings of love and hate regarding how I can relate to the Pharisee. I must admit that there is a sense of pride that allows me to get dangerously comfortable in this position/identity. While at the same time...it absolutely disgusts me.
How does this play into my parenting role? I am in a position of authority. I have been entrusted with an important role, that is why I've been given this authority. I had BETTER take this role very seriously, and use it for good and not for evil in every sense. This is why I am thinking on much of this. It may seem like I over-analyze this, but that's just how I process things at this time...so live with it.. I am as I am ;]
The statement that caused me to go down this new path of thinking was, "It is never a parent's job to punish their child." This threw me off. Mostly because of the person whom it was coming from...a well trusted person whom I have willingly chosen to attach a certain degree of authority to. I was rather stunned. "If my child is acting like a little brat completely 'asking for it' by being disrespectful and blatantly defiant...I MUST do something about it to put them in their rightful place before they make it a habit" I thought. But the whole thing of punishing (I'm referring to mostly the use of spankings) is to dole out justice while teaching a lesson? They argued that it's retaliation for wrongful behavior in my child. "I must take a stand" is how it's often approached...this if for her own good. But what does it teach the child if you're punishing method (spanking), while not "abusive", isn't resulting in much, other than a raging feeling of being indignant toward the parent who every so lovingly, administered it? And especially if it's becoming more and more apparent that it's not even working that well!
The job of the State/Government is to punish criminals who break the law. But is it also the job of parents to do the same to their children? The parent should be motiviated by love-to teach and discipline the child for its own good and future in mind. Do spankings accomplish this successfuly without other negative side effects? This, I guess is what I'm essentially questioning. If there is SUCH a delicate, thin and gray line in spanking "the right way" vs "the wrong way"...is it worthy of the effort, pain (on both sides), emotionally and phsically?
Let's look at the accomplishments/results of spankings. What can and does it usually accomplish? Getting kids to comply. Getting the child's behavior in line with what is expected, and correcting what is caught, that falls below this expectation. Does it teach them just to not get caught, more than to internalize a moral lesson and instill a godly character, regardless of being caught or not? Does it merely and primarily teach the child to fear only getting caught? In the long run...does it teach or indirectly encourage passive-agressiveness in terms of dealing with conflicts? Does it teach that image is more important than substance? That behavior takes precedence over character?
If the answer to some of those previous questions could be 'yes'...then what is the alternative? Well, what's the goal in my parenting? To just get the kids to 'behave'? What a low and base standard! I must say wholeheartedly that is NOT all I'm aiming for...that's aiming way too low. So, would it be accurate to say that it is quite easy to get your kid to 'behave' right while missing the mark in terms of their character? Just training your child up to 'behave' is the easy way out! I want so much more than for them to just 'behave'. I want them to be intelligent and thinking and come to conclusions themselves based on their resolve and convictions from God regarding what is right and wrong. In my humble opinion, this is how you're able to not so easily compromise on crap because of other people's beliefs and what they tell you to believe. Be open and teachable...but have something else to measure it to other than that's just what you're supposed to do or believe, right? I don't know...maybe I have to do more thinking of this because I'm not sure this accurately depicts what I want to take a stance on. Like I said in the beginning...these thoughts aren't solid, but are rather in the forming stage...hmmm..i wonder where it will take me?? Nowhere too scary i hope! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment