Izzy is too much like her mother, for good or for bad. Sometimes I just stare at her in bewilderment thinking..."you are me in a little body and a little mind....hmmmm....scary" How do I raise myself?! She's got a hot hot temper and a witty spirit. While I can completely relate with her, which allows me to be compassionate and empathize with her struggle in this...it can drive me absolutely CRAZY!!
So, how do I respond to her? As her mother, whose supposedly the more mature one^^...I should be modeling to her good behavior...particularly in self-control in the midst of harsh frustration. But how the heck do I do this when this is my very own weakness? On one hand I think it's good that I share so much in common with her, because I for one do not know how this feels as a child growing up...being able to feel like I can closely relate to my parents...but on the other hand, since I share so much in common with her this also includes our struggles of temperament and learning to use it as a strength, as a blessing and not a curse. I'm still learning this one! And of course, the one thing I should NOT share in common with her is our maturity level!
Ahhhh...~~parenting is so much more complex than I thought it was. Believe me...I now have a TON of more compassion towards parents and the issues they face. It's called humility. God humbles the proud, which was me. But at the same time, I also think I have a very high standard and expectation of the role itself.
I see myself and the role of my 'motherhood' as a complex yet simple, but very significant role that I play in my 3 year old daughter's life. Mainly, right now I see myself as a supporter/provider and an equipper...always maintaining that bottom line --LOVE. But this may likely change (never the bottom line though)...but I think how I interact and approach her with these goals must change to a certain degree to keep up with her development and all the healthy changes she must goes through as a thriving child.
As a supporter...-obviously she's only 3 and cannot support herself in all of the basic needs still. We support/provide her with shelter, food, clothing, health care, and all under the umbrella of love. But we also support her and provide for her an environment of emotional/spiritual/mental stability, health and growth. This is where things get complex!
So this kinda blends into the equipping aspect. And this is honestly where I feel like I'm so unequipped, yet passionate about. I love my parents dearly and have a lot of respect for them. While at the same time...I'm still kinda processing my own experiences growing up, but now doing this in the frame of mind as a parent. They are human beings with strengths and weaknesses, just like us all. With that said...they had a very difficult task when they got their 3 little Korean babies. My sisters can speak for themselves...so I'll speak for myself here. But it was tougher I think as I got a little older, being raised by parents whom you feel more and more distance from when growing up or going through adolescence, not necessarily because of a lack of love. But that at that time you kinda begin figuring out who you are as an individual...while not being able to relate well with the grown-ups who've already been through this phase in life. I feel like there wasn't much anchor or navigation to weather this storm of figuring out who and where I am as a growing young adult (adolescence is what they call it now...though I disagree with many issues in the pop culture relating to this term, but that's a different topic) because they could not easily relate to me, nor me to them.
okay...i will add more about this later...little daughter just came prancing down the stairs!!! I have to go tackle her with my kisses...hopefully she will not give me a black eye in the process!!
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