Journey on Purpose

I've been told that if you yourself are unhappy and un-whole and bring this to a relationship, you will only have a unhappy and unwhole or empty relationship.

While I do believe there is a significant element of truth and insight here, I also have a few questions to challenge the cut and dry approach to this concept.

Yes, if I am going to my relationships and looking for my identity, because I do not know who I am, and so go looking outside of myself and into a relationship, this is a recipe for heartache.  But at the same time, I do believe that to a certain degree, we will only see in part of who really are this side of heaven.  Different degrees of glory.  We are human.  We are fallen.  We are in a fallen state of reality at this present time.  To fully know who you are is a lifelong journey, an adventure that we choose to embark on during this life on earth.  We grow into knowing more of who we are as we seek that out.  But to think that there is a certain level where I can arrive at in my knowing of myself and being whole and happy with that, and believing this is a guaranteed pre-requisite for a happy and fulfilling relationship (ie. marriage), I'm not sure I totally understand like I thought I once did.

I think the same could be said for this being the reason why people stay in certain relationships, and these relationships turn into ambivalent relationships.  Because I do not know who I am to a satisfying degree, and because I'm not okay with sitting in that and responding in that (my searching and growing), so I hide in my ambivalent relationship, even though it's empty.  This could be said for why people remain in cold, distant and disconnected relationships.  Not because they are healthy and whole, but rather because they hide from that journey, and they find their relationship serves that purpose.  Usually for this to work though, it has to be a mutual thing..takes two to tango, and it takes two to mango.

Why?  If one is unhappy and finds a relationship to be empty and distant, does that necessarily mean that this individual is unhappy, empty and distant?  I do not think so, perhaps, but not always.  Could it be that it may also mean that this person is embarked on a journey of growth, healing and discovery and that part of this journey is greatly harmed or hindered because of remaining as is?  Perhaps...I cannot answer that and I'm looking for the answer myself.  All I know is that we are all on a journey to somewhere.  Even if you are hiding and not actively steering the wheel, you are on a journey to somewhere, you are just forfeiting your ability to participate in the adventure.  But we are all moving somewhere, and the scariest of all the journeys are those that have closed their eyes and forfeited their choice in directing it somewhere on purpose.

May that not be me, ever.  At least may that not ever be my default, but rather, may I journey on purpose.