Big Girls Don't Cry

Big girls don't cry. I like Fergie's song..makes for some good tunes. But living in the mindset that believes this is another story.

So, big girls don't cry...Really?
Or is it that we live in a culture or society that nurses and coddles the false notion that crying is a sign of weakness. Could it be more truthful to state that since we are so uncomfortable with how to respond as an adult, to the emotion of sadness, pain, or anger being expressed through the avenue of shed tears; we simply hold onto this notion that big girls don't cry. Or big boys for that matter.

What if we look at it through the eyes of actual big boys and big girls, and therefore can be OK with discomfort that often may accompany this emotion when being expressed instead of repressed? Could it be that it actually takes courage, stamina and real balls to express the emotions that cause tears? Doing this with trusted friends and family where there is safety is wise. Doing this with the general public or acquaintances isn't necessarily the most productive; but not the worst thing in the world either.

Why are we so dry when it comes to sadness, pain and anger, yet this world is full of violence? Could it be that if we shed a tear for the real losses experienced in living in this beautiful but broken world, we may actually prevent some of the violence that explodes from repressing it for so long?

Big girls don't cry..until they grow up.

Being Clean & Tidy Can Reek

Stress in life is inevitable, right? I'm beginning to challenge that notion. Is stress really a given for living? Is that really what you call "living"? I'm starting to realize more and more that stress is commonly a self-imposed state. Yes, there are the inescapable tragedies that unfortunately do occur in life, that no matter what; are unpreventable. Like natural disasters or a health crises; to list few, but I'm thinking more of the daily stresses that we put on ourselves from external pressures that we submit ourselves to. Why do we go to such great lengths to submit to these; often sub-conscientiously when we really do not need to? In fact, when doing so could actually be toxic, or unhealthy and lead to the demise of our relationships with others? One reason I believe many people do not fellowship or simply "hang" with each other so much, and instead are more or less isolated in their own homes is because of this phenomenon. Hopefully I'll get my thoughts across clearly to communicate my point here...

Quite frankly, I personally do not invite many people over or host get-togethers very often because of the "work" that I feel or anticipate being involved in such an endeavor. My house is not one I feel proudly showing off and even if it were; to maintain that condition of my house is a lot of work..especially if you've got kids. What is this crap that I, and so many others get into with this being an obstacle of enjoying the company of others? It is a cultural strong-hold or trap; that keeps us at bay from one another because the "work" that's required is so superficial and doesn't seem to pay off. Why doesn't it seem to pay off? Because all that work being put forth is for hiding from reality, from what is; and instead putting on a polished mask that we believe is what "should be" in place of what is. We think it to be more acceptable or "appropriate" to others to have our masks on. A clean and tidy house, a clean and tidy persona. Well my friends; doing relationships in the milieu of life isn't always going to be clean and tidy. Let's take ourselves and each other off that vicious hook.

Yes, I do enjoy a clean and tidy house. But if I function out of the belief that that is a pre-requisite for enjoying my relationships in; forget about it! Too much work for such little dividends. I'd rather put work into something that will pay off in a real relationship with others based on love and mutual acceptance rather than a facade that requires so much work.

So, while working hard to maintain my clean and tidy house and presentable face to others, I produce sweat and sweat reeks! Quit working so hard to maintain that and the sweat won't reek.

The challenge and the struggle is this; that I feel much better telling you that you need to not judge me and see past my flaws with respect and acceptance..but can I do that with yours? I had better if I want to have a real relationship with a real person versus a relationship with a person on cyberspace interacting via an interface instead of interacting in her real face.

Sanctus Real- Lead me (Official music video)

Motherhood - Honorable Duty; A Charge For Myself

Inside the complex but passionate heart of a Mother...

I feel it it is my duty as your mother to know you well; then in turn to care for you, nurture you, teach you, cherish you, love you and discipline you and trust in God's grace to cover over my vast areas of limitations and weaknesses. Then eventually, turn you completely over to Him as your Heavenly Father when you come of age, and then support you as a fellow disciple and child of the Almighty God. This duty that comes with motherhood is a duty not to be taken lightly. It is not for the faint at heart nor for the coward, nor is it for the arrogant or haughty one.
It is brought on with blood, sweat and tears. Is the journey always a pleasant one? -No. Does this then excuse me of my duty? -No. Is it a duty carried out with a begrudged heart? -May it never be so! May it be a duty carried out with a heart that senses the great honor and privilege to be the one counted on to do so.

Some People's Kids...

"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult;
whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.
Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you;
rebuke a wise man and he will love you.
Instruct a wise man and he will be wise still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning." ~Proverbs 9:7-9

This reminds me of the incident on Memorial day (yesterday while writing this) when a big group of guys started playing tackle football in the middle of a pretty crowded park/beach area at a local public park. They were running over others who were on their blankets/beach towels; including families with young children. It was obvious they did not care if someone got hurt or ran over in the process of playing their football game, as they did run over others before doing it to us. Me and my 8 month pregnant self, my young daughter, niece and my sister, while my husband was grilling right by us. My sister and I spoke up when their ball came and landed right in the middle of where we were on our blanket with our children there. She said to them that there were kids around and they shouldn't be doing that and I spoke up saying they needed to show some respect to others and that they were not the only people there at the park. A few of them became hostile and cussed at us, in front of our kids, then ignored us and kept right on playing as if nobody else was there trying to enjoy the same area as they were. The police were called and they overheard this, and again became hostile chattering amongst themselves, while still continue to play their tackle football around a crowded area. The police responded and they dispersed.

Later on, I was waiting in line for a long long time in the women's bathroom, and a young lady literally budged and cut in front of me, I was next in a very long line and she went into the next open stall as if there was no line at all! I "rebuked" her saying, "Ya know, there is a line here." She ignored me and cut in line. Man, what rude people who do not care about anyone else and for whatever reason don't have basic common courtesy that a preschooler is capable of showing. Well, what is a mother to do?!

This verse is a reminder and a guide on correcting or rebuking "mockers" or "wicked men". It often brings about no change, or good change for that matter. Actually it sounds like it's inviting insult. So I shouldn't waste my time or energy in doing this. There's not much I can really do to change these things, the world will never be lacking in its supply of these type of characters, that are without any second thought. So why incur abuse and insult upon myself?!!

But what about John the Baptist? He essentially was thrown into prison and was beheaded for rebuking Herod the Tetrach? And Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for their blindness and self-righteousness, and he was crucified? Should they have remained silent? Should we never rebuke fools or mockers to save our own heads or asses? Think of all the heroes in history who risked their lives or well being to speak out against injustice, not just slight insults like I experienced? Well, in my personal opinion, speaking up to the morons who were running over everyone to play tackle football was okay, it was my mother bear instincts to protect my kid from being pummeled by 180 pound brainless dudes trying to catch a football..sorry, little tangent. But for real, there is a place for people to speak up and out for the outcries of the voiceless and helpless who are being unjustly treated or oppressed. Look at Martin Luther King Jr. He lost his life for speaking out against the racism in his day...was it his fault? NO! So what's up with this Proverb?

Well, I guess I have to come to a conclusion somehow for now at least, that one should count the cost...is it worth it? Is God calling me to do this? Don't just habitually rebuke mockers and then be surprised when insult and abuse follow. It's not merited, but it's the world we live in. At the same time, be conscience about speaking up and knowing that insult and abuse may likely follow...sometimes it is definitely worth it, for sometimes silence is more deadly and cowardly than the act of what you are speaking up against.

For the most part in daily living though, at least in my experience right now...most of the mockers are doing petty things that don't really endanger my well being or my loved one's well being...it's just endangering or threatening my pride or ego, or convenience..that's being completely honest..it's hard to be humble and turn the other cheek...but consider the outcome...is the fool really worth it?...Nah.

Trying to Define Love In A Love Sabatoged World

Love is something that is so rare, yet so so frequently misrepresented, misunderstood, mistaken, and misconstrued for something it's not, yet is a cheap imitation of. As I struggle to define love and it's application in life's most treasured relationships, it's a life-long journey to living in it and abiding in it, and possibly redefining or fine-tuning how it lives and breathes in my life and is reflected in my relationships with others.

So, where does one go to try and define such a complex yet simplistic and longed for attribute as love? TV? Magazines? Friends? The movies? If that were the case, then why is it so difficult to define? Is it really arbitrary? Is it really subjective, or are there indeed universal objectifying realities when it comes to defining love?

I am one to consider myself a Christian who doesn't look to the world, even the "religious" or Christian world or church to necessarily define something like love, I immediately in my mind go to Scripture. Many are familiar with the "love chapter" in the Bible, yet for once, I'd like to dissect it and meditate deeply on it as I'm able.

Before Scripture describes what love is and even more so; what love is not...it first lays the foundation for how foundational love in fact is. For without love in our relating with others, we are just making noise that amounts to nothing and gains absolutely nothing. For if we have relationships that are dysfunctional, we probably have relationships that have dysfunctional foundations, where love as defined by Scripture is not the absolute basis of the purpose for the relationship and how we choose to relate or not relate to those we are in a relationship with, we may think or be fooled that it is, yet we must look with all honesty and no shame, but with truth what our foundations really consist of. Are they made out of fancy plastic imitations of love, or are they rock solid immovable true foundations of love as defined by Scripture? Even if the latter is found to be the case, I don't believe that guarantees a smooth relationship with no bumps and bruises. For that is real life, in real life, we get hurt, we get disappointed and we in turn, hurt others and disappoint others; but I believe that if the foundation is rock solid, if it is love as defined by Scripture; the relationship will not collapse due to them. On the contrary, I believe that as these storms come and the relationship endures on the steady foundation; the relationship will only grow stronger and more solid itself. There will be more mutuality, more connections, more initimacy at all levels; emotionally, physically and spiritually. It will not be a reversion to something worse off, or be stagnate, the conflict and storms will only strengthen the relationship.

Let me first clarify that the relationships I'm mostly referring to here are relationships in which we CHOOSE to be in, or choose to continue to be in. For example, we did not choose our families we were born into or adopted into, but as adults, we are able to choose to either continue on in a certain relationship, or not. In marriage (at least in most of the Western Hemisphere) most of these people have made the choice to be, to commit to a marriage relationship. This is primarily the relationship I am referring to here; marriage.

So, here it is from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love is patient, love is kind. I recall the King James Version often using "long-suffering" in place of patient. There is a huge difference between being patient and being passive. My thoughts on patience is waiting; even while it's uncomfortable and even while it hurts, yet not growing resentful while you wait. It's waiting with an attitude that does not push, manipulate, or blame someone else (either openly or covertly) for your waiting or suffering; you do not hold a grudge against someone while you wait. It's waiting without complaining or accusing. Being patient is also not to be confused with being silent or inactive. Being patient is a disposition of one's heart while one waits. You can wait patiently while you weep, while you make phone calls, visits, share concerns, and while you interact with someone and connect with someone; yet you're heart of hearts does not hold anyone in contempt while you suffer/wait. The best example I can think or right now is an expectant mother waiting to meet her new baby. It's probably because I can relate to this first hand right now! While I'm in the waiting period, it's tough. It feels long and it can be absolutely physically draining and distressing as my body adjusts to growing this baby during the months in preceding the birth, and even the long hours of the most painful toil of labor and birth that cannot be rushed...yet the mother waits and absolutely falls in love with the baby that her body has gone to great pains, long and short to bring about into the world. She does not hold this baby in contempt; even though that is why she has sufferred and endured the pain. She does not grow bitter towards the baby for the time in which it takes to be pregnant and to give birth. She welcomes that baby into her arms with great love and acceptance, despite what her body and emotions have been through the past long months, and what awaits for the next few months of caring for an infant. It's worth it and the baby is loved no matter what the cost was of the mother, which was high.

It is also kind; this kindness isn't conditional. It isn't kind to only be kind to you, if you are kind to me. No, that is not how love operates, if that is how you or I are operating; it does not stem from love, rather it stems from a self-centered myopic view of equality. Love and equality cannot equate with one another. Love is kind, even when it's undeserving, especially when it's undeserving..that is a hallmark of love. The Hero's of love are kind to the wicked and undeserving as God is kind to us who are often wicked and for certain; undeserving. It does not mean you avoid one who is mistreating you and mistaking that for being kind. It simply means you will not respond with wrong for wrong, for that is operating out of that self-centered equality. A kind response to being mistreated is not avoidance, it is being truthful and honest for the sake of reconciliation, it's a honest rebuke done out of love for the sake of saving or fighting for a relationship, not to be confused with fighting for or saving your agenda or individual rights to feel right. For as the Scripture will soon mention; love perseveres, this assumes there will be challenges, conflict and storms, other wise there would be not need to mention that love perseveres. Avoiding and persevering are antithetical to one another, they sharply contradict each other.

Well, this is all I have time for now; for my lovely daughter has been playing well on her own while her mommy types away on the computer, but I want to play with her now! More to come later..

Different Wife; Different Life

"Different kind of spouse, different kind of house." "Different wife, different life"
Quotes I just thought up on my own just now. The person whom you choose to marry will make all the difference in the world when it comes to their character; for their character is what fuels their attitudes, behaviors, decisions and responses to things out of their control. Discern it well, for it will most definitely affect your life, and your house. I'm not referring exclusively about the physical type of "house", but the type of environment in which your family will live in, seen and unseen. For we all have heard of people living in visible mansions, but inside their mansions they are living in relational, emotional, and spiritual poverty and utter bankruptcy. While at the same time, there are those living in very small and simple homes or apartments, but are living in relational, emotional, and spiritual abundance.