Trying to Define Love In A Love Sabatoged World

Love is something that is so rare, yet so so frequently misrepresented, misunderstood, mistaken, and misconstrued for something it's not, yet is a cheap imitation of. As I struggle to define love and it's application in life's most treasured relationships, it's a life-long journey to living in it and abiding in it, and possibly redefining or fine-tuning how it lives and breathes in my life and is reflected in my relationships with others.

So, where does one go to try and define such a complex yet simplistic and longed for attribute as love? TV? Magazines? Friends? The movies? If that were the case, then why is it so difficult to define? Is it really arbitrary? Is it really subjective, or are there indeed universal objectifying realities when it comes to defining love?

I am one to consider myself a Christian who doesn't look to the world, even the "religious" or Christian world or church to necessarily define something like love, I immediately in my mind go to Scripture. Many are familiar with the "love chapter" in the Bible, yet for once, I'd like to dissect it and meditate deeply on it as I'm able.

Before Scripture describes what love is and even more so; what love is not...it first lays the foundation for how foundational love in fact is. For without love in our relating with others, we are just making noise that amounts to nothing and gains absolutely nothing. For if we have relationships that are dysfunctional, we probably have relationships that have dysfunctional foundations, where love as defined by Scripture is not the absolute basis of the purpose for the relationship and how we choose to relate or not relate to those we are in a relationship with, we may think or be fooled that it is, yet we must look with all honesty and no shame, but with truth what our foundations really consist of. Are they made out of fancy plastic imitations of love, or are they rock solid immovable true foundations of love as defined by Scripture? Even if the latter is found to be the case, I don't believe that guarantees a smooth relationship with no bumps and bruises. For that is real life, in real life, we get hurt, we get disappointed and we in turn, hurt others and disappoint others; but I believe that if the foundation is rock solid, if it is love as defined by Scripture; the relationship will not collapse due to them. On the contrary, I believe that as these storms come and the relationship endures on the steady foundation; the relationship will only grow stronger and more solid itself. There will be more mutuality, more connections, more initimacy at all levels; emotionally, physically and spiritually. It will not be a reversion to something worse off, or be stagnate, the conflict and storms will only strengthen the relationship.

Let me first clarify that the relationships I'm mostly referring to here are relationships in which we CHOOSE to be in, or choose to continue to be in. For example, we did not choose our families we were born into or adopted into, but as adults, we are able to choose to either continue on in a certain relationship, or not. In marriage (at least in most of the Western Hemisphere) most of these people have made the choice to be, to commit to a marriage relationship. This is primarily the relationship I am referring to here; marriage.

So, here it is from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love is patient, love is kind. I recall the King James Version often using "long-suffering" in place of patient. There is a huge difference between being patient and being passive. My thoughts on patience is waiting; even while it's uncomfortable and even while it hurts, yet not growing resentful while you wait. It's waiting with an attitude that does not push, manipulate, or blame someone else (either openly or covertly) for your waiting or suffering; you do not hold a grudge against someone while you wait. It's waiting without complaining or accusing. Being patient is also not to be confused with being silent or inactive. Being patient is a disposition of one's heart while one waits. You can wait patiently while you weep, while you make phone calls, visits, share concerns, and while you interact with someone and connect with someone; yet you're heart of hearts does not hold anyone in contempt while you suffer/wait. The best example I can think or right now is an expectant mother waiting to meet her new baby. It's probably because I can relate to this first hand right now! While I'm in the waiting period, it's tough. It feels long and it can be absolutely physically draining and distressing as my body adjusts to growing this baby during the months in preceding the birth, and even the long hours of the most painful toil of labor and birth that cannot be rushed...yet the mother waits and absolutely falls in love with the baby that her body has gone to great pains, long and short to bring about into the world. She does not hold this baby in contempt; even though that is why she has sufferred and endured the pain. She does not grow bitter towards the baby for the time in which it takes to be pregnant and to give birth. She welcomes that baby into her arms with great love and acceptance, despite what her body and emotions have been through the past long months, and what awaits for the next few months of caring for an infant. It's worth it and the baby is loved no matter what the cost was of the mother, which was high.

It is also kind; this kindness isn't conditional. It isn't kind to only be kind to you, if you are kind to me. No, that is not how love operates, if that is how you or I are operating; it does not stem from love, rather it stems from a self-centered myopic view of equality. Love and equality cannot equate with one another. Love is kind, even when it's undeserving, especially when it's undeserving..that is a hallmark of love. The Hero's of love are kind to the wicked and undeserving as God is kind to us who are often wicked and for certain; undeserving. It does not mean you avoid one who is mistreating you and mistaking that for being kind. It simply means you will not respond with wrong for wrong, for that is operating out of that self-centered equality. A kind response to being mistreated is not avoidance, it is being truthful and honest for the sake of reconciliation, it's a honest rebuke done out of love for the sake of saving or fighting for a relationship, not to be confused with fighting for or saving your agenda or individual rights to feel right. For as the Scripture will soon mention; love perseveres, this assumes there will be challenges, conflict and storms, other wise there would be not need to mention that love perseveres. Avoiding and persevering are antithetical to one another, they sharply contradict each other.

Well, this is all I have time for now; for my lovely daughter has been playing well on her own while her mommy types away on the computer, but I want to play with her now! More to come later..

Different Wife; Different Life

"Different kind of spouse, different kind of house." "Different wife, different life"
Quotes I just thought up on my own just now. The person whom you choose to marry will make all the difference in the world when it comes to their character; for their character is what fuels their attitudes, behaviors, decisions and responses to things out of their control. Discern it well, for it will most definitely affect your life, and your house. I'm not referring exclusively about the physical type of "house", but the type of environment in which your family will live in, seen and unseen. For we all have heard of people living in visible mansions, but inside their mansions they are living in relational, emotional, and spiritual poverty and utter bankruptcy. While at the same time, there are those living in very small and simple homes or apartments, but are living in relational, emotional, and spiritual abundance.

What's The Diff?

Being passive is not the same as being submissive. Being compliant is not the same as being obedient. I think many people (myself included) get these two confused. So, here's a little thinking out loud.

As one who identifies themself as a follower of Jesus Christ, the characteristics of being submissive and being obedient can be cofoufled with just being passive or being compliant. This, in my opinion, is a cheap imitation of the former.

Which of these characteristics has a position of power or a position of lacking power? I do not want to be a passive person, but sometimes I hear the word "submissive" especially "submissive wife" and seriously, feelings of anger or oppression rise to the surface. What's up with that? How can I be a follower of Jesus, a man who sumbitted His life to God, but was the least passive person on earth? Think about it for a second. If he had been a little more passive, I don't think it would've caused him to be hated so much that it resulted in being crucified. This man really pissed some people off, and it was the people who held authority and prestige before the people of that day. Another thought, being passive is in many respects, much more "safe". You're not rocking the boat, your not getting any disapprovals that are loud enough to put your life at risk...and this isn't how Jesus lived. But he was a man who lived his life completely out of submission to God.

So, what's up with these feeling of anger or of being oppressed when the terms "submit" or be a "submissive wife" come in earshot? Could it be that my response is valid, but it's a response to what I've confused being passive as being submissive? Being truly submissive in a biblical way, I think, is a position of control and power and strong will. I am not doing something because someone is "making me" or because of anything someone else says or thinks if I do or do not do something or behave a certain way. If I do it, it is because I'm doing it of my own accord. I am choosing to do this because it's what I want to do. I may not necessarily like it all that much, but I've concluded that it's something necessary that should be done for a greater good. For example, if I want to get my body in better physical shape because I want to be healthier and be able to run a marathon, I may choose to work out every day for 1 hour to achieve my ultimate goal of being in better shape. I do not necessarily like working out everyday, but I choose to do this because I want to be in better shape. Just because I choose to do something or just because I do do something or "should" do something doesn't mean I have to necessarily like the exact choice in and of itself, but it's for the greater good...the long term reward.

But if I am passively giving into something...there is no long term reward. The reward is only in the short-term, not long lived. I do it to avoid something in the short-term. Like not pissing somebody off, but doing something I don't want to do anyways and being resentful about it...where is there long term rewards for do things passively? Being passive or doing things out of passivity seems so ungodly to me. We are called to be like Jesus Christ. He was NOT a passive man. Nobody could make him do anything he didn't want to do. Everything he said, or did or did not do or did not say, was because he choose it that way. Why does it seem like so many Christians are so passive, and thinking they are being like Jesus Christ? Because it's cheap substitute for being submissive. The same could be said about being compliant versus being obedient. The difference between these two is of the attitude of the heart. The compliant one does everything expected on the outside with their polished behavior and mannerisms, while being completel detached or resentful in depths of their heart, and this, in my opinion, make all the difference in the world when it comes to relationships of all sorts. Relationships with spouses, parents, children, friends, and especially the Lord.

Let me say one thing though, to I guess, defend why compliance and passivity or so alive and well within Christianity...it is because of us Christians! Not because of the one we are following, because if we were actually doing what He did, we wouldn't be passive. But it's because it makes us look good or feel good before other people, and we think that is being religious or spiritual. Huh..?? So we figure that if we can impress those in the natural world, the physical world...we are spiritual, but in the spiritual world, in God's sight, nothing is hidden from His sight. Whey do we esteem image and appearances and behavior so much more over and above what is really there? It's nothing new I guess. And I'm just as guilty as you and everyone else is, whether you are a Christian or an Athiest, all people practice this to a certain degree. Image is far more worked on than substance, and what a cheap reward from polishing just the image.

Insights from a parent's (mine) perspective reading Proverbs 1

I guess you need to read Proverbs 1:1-19 to get a feel for what I'm about to blog on now. I just sat down to read some Proverbs and this stuff just started coming to me, so I wrote it down and thought to ramble about it on my blog..

So, right away Solomon goes into affirming the role and authority of the parents to the child (son). Especially the role as a teacher/instructor for morality and character. I hope you don't get buzzards that go off about this, I'm aware that unfortunately some parents take their role of authority/teacher in their children's lives and misuse or abuse it to their own selfish agendas, to the child's detriment, but that is not what I'm referring to here. Anyways, I'll try not to sidetrack too much here...don't have much time...

So getting back to it, these parents, or the writer/Solomon goes into explaining how there is evil and sin in the world, and the son will be faced with this, telling him to not be enticed by it. There's no rosy-colored glasses or Pollyanna portrayal of the world we live in with this scripture. The writer brings/introduces how the world operates/functions to the son (or daughter), BEFORE the opportunity comes to the son without have had this introduction or a "oh...by the way, son" from the father and the mother, I'm assuming in the home...before the child/son is independent of the father and mother, but somewhat close to the time the son is going to be living more independently...(I'm assuming he's not saying this to a toddler)...

The admonition to the son is to listen and to not forsake what his PARENTS teach and instruct him in. I noticed that was it...the father and the mother, were exlusively mentioned here. Not the Sunday school teacher, not the Preacher, school teacher, grandparents, etc., though all these people may play a valuable role in a child's life, it is the PARENTS' instruction and teaching here that are being esteemed and highly valued. I didn't take this, necessarily as an admonition to the child, but rather to the father and the mother!...that's including me! Doesn't this seem like there exists, an assumption that the father and the mother are taking seriously their role by being active and engaged in the child's life by giving instruction and teaching to their child(ren)? Otherwise, why emphasize the authority and credence of the instruction and teaching of the father and the mother?

Moving on..

It isn't the primary job (that came to my mind while reading this at least) of the parents to shelter the child from the evil world by diluting evil and hoping their son (or daughter) never runs across this and/or avoiding the reality that evil is indeed out there and it will present itself to the child, asking or tempting him/her to be a willing and glad participant. The author doesn't appear at all to take the approach of thinking their child is above being enticed into sin, especially sin that is well thought out, premeditated and carried out. NO! This author goes into instructing the child that he may very likely be confronted and tempted by sin. Otherwise, why stress this point and do so in the beginning of the book of these proverbs?! The author, as a parent, figuratively takes the son by the hand in an imaginative journey or stroll down the path of the life lived in sin and, takes him to the pending and inevitable, eventual end result of living this type of a life.

The writer lays it all down for the son to see what lays ahead if he were to take that path. He doesn't avoid the topic, fearing it's too inappropriate or feels uncomfortable to discuss. He doesn't avoid the topic because he believes he is too good of a parent and therefore his son is above this sort of thing happening to his very own son...he doesn't avoid the topic because he doesn't know where to turn or how to introduce this maybe uncomfortable issue...NO! He brings up this issue and topic to his son, as uncomfortable as it may be, because he loves his son and knows and understands humanity and the nature of mankind, while loving and risking any pride, and choosing to not take any chances that it isn't "necessary" to talk about such things with his son, he dives right in.

Is there a lesson we, who are parents now, including myself, can walk away with? Or is there at least something here to consider seriously regarding our role as either a mother or a father? Well, I guess you can answer that for yourself, but I indeed am answering for myself in saying, -YES.

Food or Poison

Recently I've been digging and disecting the first few chapters in Genesis. It's actually been surprisingly eye opening to me on several things that I basially was "aware" of, but were never deeply struck by until now.

Taking from Genesis 3:4, the crafty serpent waters down sin by lying and deceiving Eve into believing that disobeying God, or sin, does NOT really bring about what God says it will (death).

The lie had such a strong appeal, creating this temptation and stiring up desire because it had elements and particles of truth. But they were twisted and distorted when applied to seeing the true image of God.

The elements of truth that were represented were that:
- it is good and desirable to be like God
- that God knows all things
- if they (Adam & Eve) ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they would be like God, knowing good and evil.

These elements were elements of truth. They were not lies, the lie was not about those issues, for who cares about that if you want to knock down the house?! No, the lie was about God. The bits of truth were acknowledged yet twisted into distorting who God really is, because that's all that REALLY matters. Remove the foundation, and the house will crumble. It distorts God to appear as being insecure and threatened and withholding good from us out of His insecurity, and therefore causing God to not be very trustworthy. Especially in giving us the good He knows we want and the goods we desire. "Good" is being distorted as something attainable APART from and outside of God, the end result (the good) is all that matters, not how we go about getting it...this, I believe, is a very crafty and subtle deception, that has huge ramifications. Through the serpent's presentation of the Creator, God is appearing as insecure and therefore not wanting the "goods" we desire because we can be leveled as one to be in competition with God. As if the serpent had this "insider" view of how God really is, and was now blowing the whistle on God on our behalf!

The serpent's lie is in essence saying:
'Trust me, not God. I am telling you how it really is and how God really is. I'm on your side, and God's not. You are being tricked by God, I am here to help you see how God really is, that He cannot be trusted and is withholding good from you, that I believe you should have.'

By the serpent saying in Gen 3:4 "You will not surely die" he is claiming God's words to be false, he is calling God a liar. You cannot logically conclude both statements to be true or both to be false. You either believe you will die or you believe you won't. Only one is telling you the truth, and the other is telling you a lie.

I've got more I want to share about my thoughts on this matter...but gotta cut it short right now, time is running thin...dinners still need to be made, though my brain will not stop...my fingers must...

Thanks for letting this processing junkie (me) do my thing here...^^

--to be continued...

Idle For My Idol

When your car is in idle mode...it's running, as in the motor is running, but not getting anywhere.. (I'm no mechanic so correct me if I'm wrong)... At the same time, it's using up gas and the gas tank will eventually be empty, all without reaching any sort of a destination. More or less; this is what occurs when your car is idling for a long period of time, right? Might as well turn off the motor..

When your heart is running after idols (whatever serves as your lifesource in place of God) whether it be money, religion, reputation, other people, or self, etc; you are running like hell to get your fulfillment from it, while at the same time, not getting anywhere of grand significance (in the grand scheme of things from an eternal perspective that is...life is here and gone in a flash...life is SHORT)...all the while you are using up gas (energy/time) that will eventually run out; without getting to where you wanted to end up.

We idle for our idols. We get nowhere doing this, yet we still default to idle mode to the point of idling the crap out of everything. Shut off the motor! What's your motor? Hmmm...what's my motor??? I want it reset! Ha--

If you have absolutely no dang clue what I'm talking about...then that's okay. I'm just kind of rambling on something that started in my brain late last night while trying to fall asleep...this is just a bizzare extension of that... But I think I'm finally starting to get a clue on some stuff, and it's faaaaantaaaaastic...good stuff.

PEACE-- ;]

Psalm 1:1-3

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

or stand in the way of sinners

or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers."

Okay, so I'm feeling quite pensive and wanted to get some stuff out from my mind and heart. Maybe it will encourage you, I hope you find it to do so. Maybe it will annoy you, I hope you don't find that the case...but however you find yourself is up to you, and that's between you, yourself and God. I'm not "that girl" who tries to tell you how it is, and how you should be, think, function, or live. I'm aware that people who read my blog are from all different "perspectives" and places in their journey of life here. And so am I. If you'd like to hear where I'm at in this, read on and I'm sure you'll gather where that is according to your scales. I realize I seem defensive in this, it's just that I've honestly been misunderstood plenty about this stuff, and wanted to communicate my intention or purpose in this. Being misunderstood and then judged...it happens to the best and to the worst of us...-it's life. But life won't shut me up that easily...yet!! So however you choose to respond...know that. That's my little disclaimer here:) That said...I'll get on with it...

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers."

It takes intention and execution of a plan out of that intention, to keep this truth and guidance alive and able to operate to its full capacity/measure. In other words; it doesn't "just happen" on its own. The "it" I'm referring to is the intention to NOT walk in the counsel of the wicked etc. and the high degree of intention and the tenacity required to execute this "game-plan", doesn't happen on default. Left to just live with your setting on "default mode" I wholeheartedly believe that, it will NOT happen!!

So, how can one discern what "the counsel of the wicked" is? Or "the way of sinners" or how it feels to "sit in the seat of mockers"? Read on to verse 2!

"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night."

Pretty straight-forward answer...God's law, or His Word. And one doesn't become able or sufficiently equipped to discern the above mentioned if he/she is "familiar" or "acquainted" with God's Word. It's not if one can quote chapter or books of Scripture from memory; it's first and foremost a condition/matter and disposition of one's heart, in other words, the attitude of their heart... "his DELIGHT is in the law of the Lord". He's not dutifully bound to know God's Word. He's not assigned and therefore responding out of an obligation & responsibility to know God's Word...he DELIGHTS in it. Even if no outside pressure to know the Word was felt by him, he would continue to meditate on God's laws and His Word. This is when you can be lost in time, spending hours in the Scriptures, yet not realizing how much time has gone by, because you are just pouring into what delights you...God.

"He is like a tree planted by streams of water,"

Not a rushing gushing river? I guess not. They are streams, slow and steady. But a profound and beautiful and strong thing comes out of these streams. It wasn't the chief purpose of the streams existence, but rather a byproduct of being streams...and therefore planting a tree.

"which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither."

Good and lasting fruit that the streams planted and continue to nurture this tree to the point of producing fruit in season and without having the leaves wither from production of fruit. It's roots are constantly and steadily being nurtured by the streams of water in which planted this tree.

"whatever he does prospers."

Isn't this what we all long for? To be prosperous in whatever we do? But that was the by-product of the tree being planted, which was the by-product of the streams of water. The streams of water seem to me to be an outlet of something else that resulted in an overflow from abundance, that in turn, created the streams of water, that in turn, planted a tree, that in turn, yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Is this all a by-product of simply delighting in God and His Word..which reveals His heart and mind? Could it be that simple, yet seems so out of reach...the end product is what I'm referring to? Yes!...But NO! Ahhhh!!! Ahhhaa. When you delight in God and in His Word, and therefore; are intentional in discerning His ways as a means to knowing His heart and His mind, with executing your whole life and it's decisions that life presents to you, in this light or fashion...the natural, yet somehow super-natural, byproduct is a life found to drawn in contrast with this amazing parallel to this tree that was planted by streams of water and which produces it fruit in season and doesn't wither.

Huhh...something to chew on. It does not happen over night, just like a tree isn't planted over night by streams, and in the morning to follow will produce this fruit. It takes time and a constant and steady flow that results as this tree. It's a byproduct of sowing and reaping over time. Slowly but surely, by the grace of an almighty God with a real and true everlasting love. Wow, I want that! I stumble and fall and wither up...but then look at this piece of Scripture and am greatly encouraged.

Taah Daaahh.

That's that.