I am having a debate within myself and with this author on this topic of codependency. First of all, I will confess; yes, all I've read so far in this book freaks me out. How does the author know me so well? Holy shmuck...I am a classic textbook codependent. BUT WAIT...isn't all of the human race post-fall codependent? Doesn't every human being who has ever walked the face of the earth, besides Jesus Christ, been afflicted by codependency? From my dawning understanding of this "disease", it's the fruit of eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and being a descendent of our parents in the garden, good ol Papa Adam and Mama Eve.
By the way, blogging while listening to Vivaldi's Four Seasons is like being on Crack, or what I'd imagine it would be like..it's grrrreat..except a lot safer..sorry..tangent..
As defined by this book p. 61 on iBook version (my comments are in italics):
THE TEN TRAITS OF A CODEPENDENT
1. The codependent is driven by one or more compulsions. (Isn't this EVERYONE? Some can just do a much better job at masking it. For example the Heroin addict can't hide this so well, as his/her affliction/addiction is very obvious and very socially/culturally non-acceptable. BUT, the workaholic or the mom who feeds off of her children's achievements, or the pious fanatic, at first glance, may look a lot more "normal" as they go about their daily compulsions, because these tend to be more socially acceptable, even praised, and therefore reinforced in our culture, including the church.)
2. The codependent is bound and often tormented by the way things were in the dysfunctional family of origin. (the family of origin for us all is being children of Adam and Eve..and that "dysfunction" is called sin..nobody is immune to that "dysfunction".)
3. The codependent's self-esteem (and, frequently, maturity) is very low. (Self-esteem is a funny thing, a funny concept, it's so elusive and ever-changing, for it is of the self, which can morph easily.)
4. A codependent is certain his or her happiness hinges on others. (the self-life...when our intake tubes are not in Christ, we will have them in others, whether it be people and the fickle feelings we have within those relationships or with inanimate objects..this is a tricky one)
5. Conversely, a codependent feels inordinately responsible for others. (naturally when your identity and life are enmeshed with others, you will be like this, but where is the balance between deeply caring for others and not being responsible for them? So was Jesus codependent when he died on the cross to save us from our sins, and then gave us the Holy Spirit to guide and help us while we await His return?? -of course not)
6. The codependent's relationship with a spouse or Significant Other Person (SOP) is marred by a damaging, unstable lack of balance between dependence and independence. (I know of very few people, actually zero, who seem to strike this balance well and maintain it, through valleys and mountaintops..)
7. The codependent is a master of denial and repression. (Is that what all this writing in italics is all about? My denial?)
8. The codependent worries about things he or she can't change and may well try to change them. (Like recovering from codependency? Or is that something that I cannot change?)
9. A codependent's life is punctuated by extremes. (I thought that was a passionate person, not a codependent)
10. A codependent is constantly looking for the something that is missing or lacking in life. (Join the human race being kicked out of the garden..wth do you expect?? Think about it..Man/Woman..-created in the image of God, and created FOR God, but is now in sin and in a broken world...constantly looking for something that is missing because quite frankly...THERE IS SOMETHING MISSING...if we never went looking for this, how the heck would we come to God???)
I'm really not that bitter ;) and though it's not obvious, I really do like this book...I just am being argumentative but I think as I continue to read and dig, things will become clearer. As the cliche goes..it's all a process..
To be continued...
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