Finally...Getting It Right

When I'm doing my own homework assignment of getting it right with myself, I'm not looking to others to do my homework for me.  I'm the only student who has sat in the front row through all the classes of my own life.  When I'm open to seeing clearly what those lessons have taught me, I'm best able to do my homework and get it right for myself.  In an effort to get it right with myself, just like any good student, I recognize when I'm stuck and needing some assistance from others who have experience doing similar homework assignments in their own recovery and path of discipleship.

Getting it right with myself means giving me what I need; truth and grace.

When I'm not doing my own homework of getting it right with myself, I too easily default into interacting with others all day long by sub-consciously relying on others to do my homework for me rather than getting myself tutors who will assist me in how to do it well for myself.  I often need help from others who are further along on this road and have done more of these homework assignments themselves, but I've got to be the one doing the work myself.  When either the cards I've been dealt, or the cards I've played on the table don't create favorable conditions for my heart or mind to thrive in, I tend to get hurt, be resentful of others, or submit to self-abasing thoughts much easier when I haven't been faithful in this.

I'm recently learning, by doing relationships, at a whole different level.  It's at a high level of authenticity, and I'm finally learning the key to doing these kinds of relationships without backing out at the first sign of hurt or offense is to be doing my own homework on a regular basis which includes getting the assistance I need as needed.  Procrastination in this area has cost me dearly.  When I get it right with myself, I'm feeding my mind and my heart the vital nutrients it needs in order to thrive.  When I'm thriving chances are that others will greatly benefit from me being better equipped, so I'll be of better service to others, so it's anything but selfish.

The two vital nutrients my mind and heart need on a regular basis: grace and truth.

My mind primarily needs truth, for when it's operating out of fallacies, it doesn't take too long for my heart to discern that somethings off in my mind and sends it off racing to make sense out of what it has to work with.  When my mind is truth deficient, conflict to varying degrees ensues.  Inwardly at first, then outwardly if I'm unresponsive for any length of time to this discrepancy.

My heart primarily needs grace, for when it receives truth in the absence of grace, it's only a matter of time before it starts to self-destruct.

Truth without grace can self-destruct, and often leaves a scar or two in the process. 

Truth and grace are both needed, for I am a complex being with my heart and mind needing to be aligned with one another, and both getting their vital nutrients for me to thrive in response to whatever life serves up, either as a result of my choices or others.  Who is my perfect example of operating out of this perfect alignment?  -Jesus.  I have to have my eyes fixed on that which I'm trying to emulate, because when my focus is ambiguous or vague, it leads to me being ambiguous and vague within and the fruit of that is not inner peace.

Operating from this foundation equips me to engage authentically with others at a whole different level of appearing insanely vulnerable, while I'm actually quite secured from doing my homework on a regular basis behind the scenes.  On stage, to those who primarily watch but don't engage, I may appear like I'm being insanely vulnerable (that is where I've come from, being one of those critical spectators of the bold and crazy people). But in reality I'm much more vulnerable when I'm hiding my authentic-self out of fear and shame (consciously or sub-consciously) of how I'm perceiving myself being perceived by others who aren't invited insiders of my life.  It's a premeditated and calculated vulnerability.

I'm able to be authentic because I'm not as vulnerable to others and what they may say or not say, do or not do -when I'm doing my homework and am getting it right with myself, behind the scenes, with the assistance of others as needed, on an ongoing basis.

I'm arming my mind and my heart with grace and truth.  Others are needed to support me in this effort, by backing up the truth.  And when my own wounds play into me misinterpreting what others say and do, I can work it out with my community of carefully selected people on my team who are on their own similar but unique paths themselves.

These members are an indispensable part of me learning to get it right with myself (recovery) and path to freedom, and they each represent different essential parts of the body of Christ.