Trying to Define Love In A Love Sabatoged World

Love is something that is so rare, yet so so frequently misrepresented, misunderstood, mistaken, and misconstrued for something it's not, yet is a cheap imitation of. As I struggle to define love and it's application in life's most treasured relationships, it's a life-long journey to living in it and abiding in it, and possibly redefining or fine-tuning how it lives and breathes in my life and is reflected in my relationships with others.

So, where does one go to try and define such a complex yet simplistic and longed for attribute as love? TV? Magazines? Friends? The movies? If that were the case, then why is it so difficult to define? Is it really arbitrary? Is it really subjective, or are there indeed universal objectifying realities when it comes to defining love?

I am one to consider myself a Christian who doesn't look to the world, even the "religious" or Christian world or church to necessarily define something like love, I immediately in my mind go to Scripture. Many are familiar with the "love chapter" in the Bible, yet for once, I'd like to dissect it and meditate deeply on it as I'm able.

Before Scripture describes what love is and even more so; what love is not...it first lays the foundation for how foundational love in fact is. For without love in our relating with others, we are just making noise that amounts to nothing and gains absolutely nothing. For if we have relationships that are dysfunctional, we probably have relationships that have dysfunctional foundations, where love as defined by Scripture is not the absolute basis of the purpose for the relationship and how we choose to relate or not relate to those we are in a relationship with, we may think or be fooled that it is, yet we must look with all honesty and no shame, but with truth what our foundations really consist of. Are they made out of fancy plastic imitations of love, or are they rock solid immovable true foundations of love as defined by Scripture? Even if the latter is found to be the case, I don't believe that guarantees a smooth relationship with no bumps and bruises. For that is real life, in real life, we get hurt, we get disappointed and we in turn, hurt others and disappoint others; but I believe that if the foundation is rock solid, if it is love as defined by Scripture; the relationship will not collapse due to them. On the contrary, I believe that as these storms come and the relationship endures on the steady foundation; the relationship will only grow stronger and more solid itself. There will be more mutuality, more connections, more initimacy at all levels; emotionally, physically and spiritually. It will not be a reversion to something worse off, or be stagnate, the conflict and storms will only strengthen the relationship.

Let me first clarify that the relationships I'm mostly referring to here are relationships in which we CHOOSE to be in, or choose to continue to be in. For example, we did not choose our families we were born into or adopted into, but as adults, we are able to choose to either continue on in a certain relationship, or not. In marriage (at least in most of the Western Hemisphere) most of these people have made the choice to be, to commit to a marriage relationship. This is primarily the relationship I am referring to here; marriage.

So, here it is from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love is patient, love is kind. I recall the King James Version often using "long-suffering" in place of patient. There is a huge difference between being patient and being passive. My thoughts on patience is waiting; even while it's uncomfortable and even while it hurts, yet not growing resentful while you wait. It's waiting with an attitude that does not push, manipulate, or blame someone else (either openly or covertly) for your waiting or suffering; you do not hold a grudge against someone while you wait. It's waiting without complaining or accusing. Being patient is also not to be confused with being silent or inactive. Being patient is a disposition of one's heart while one waits. You can wait patiently while you weep, while you make phone calls, visits, share concerns, and while you interact with someone and connect with someone; yet you're heart of hearts does not hold anyone in contempt while you suffer/wait. The best example I can think or right now is an expectant mother waiting to meet her new baby. It's probably because I can relate to this first hand right now! While I'm in the waiting period, it's tough. It feels long and it can be absolutely physically draining and distressing as my body adjusts to growing this baby during the months in preceding the birth, and even the long hours of the most painful toil of labor and birth that cannot be rushed...yet the mother waits and absolutely falls in love with the baby that her body has gone to great pains, long and short to bring about into the world. She does not hold this baby in contempt; even though that is why she has sufferred and endured the pain. She does not grow bitter towards the baby for the time in which it takes to be pregnant and to give birth. She welcomes that baby into her arms with great love and acceptance, despite what her body and emotions have been through the past long months, and what awaits for the next few months of caring for an infant. It's worth it and the baby is loved no matter what the cost was of the mother, which was high.

It is also kind; this kindness isn't conditional. It isn't kind to only be kind to you, if you are kind to me. No, that is not how love operates, if that is how you or I are operating; it does not stem from love, rather it stems from a self-centered myopic view of equality. Love and equality cannot equate with one another. Love is kind, even when it's undeserving, especially when it's undeserving..that is a hallmark of love. The Hero's of love are kind to the wicked and undeserving as God is kind to us who are often wicked and for certain; undeserving. It does not mean you avoid one who is mistreating you and mistaking that for being kind. It simply means you will not respond with wrong for wrong, for that is operating out of that self-centered equality. A kind response to being mistreated is not avoidance, it is being truthful and honest for the sake of reconciliation, it's a honest rebuke done out of love for the sake of saving or fighting for a relationship, not to be confused with fighting for or saving your agenda or individual rights to feel right. For as the Scripture will soon mention; love perseveres, this assumes there will be challenges, conflict and storms, other wise there would be not need to mention that love perseveres. Avoiding and persevering are antithetical to one another, they sharply contradict each other.

Well, this is all I have time for now; for my lovely daughter has been playing well on her own while her mommy types away on the computer, but I want to play with her now! More to come later..

Different Wife; Different Life

"Different kind of spouse, different kind of house." "Different wife, different life"
Quotes I just thought up on my own just now. The person whom you choose to marry will make all the difference in the world when it comes to their character; for their character is what fuels their attitudes, behaviors, decisions and responses to things out of their control. Discern it well, for it will most definitely affect your life, and your house. I'm not referring exclusively about the physical type of "house", but the type of environment in which your family will live in, seen and unseen. For we all have heard of people living in visible mansions, but inside their mansions they are living in relational, emotional, and spiritual poverty and utter bankruptcy. While at the same time, there are those living in very small and simple homes or apartments, but are living in relational, emotional, and spiritual abundance.

What's The Diff?

Being passive is not the same as being submissive. Being compliant is not the same as being obedient. I think many people (myself included) get these two confused. So, here's a little thinking out loud.

As one who identifies themself as a follower of Jesus Christ, the characteristics of being submissive and being obedient can be cofoufled with just being passive or being compliant. This, in my opinion, is a cheap imitation of the former.

Which of these characteristics has a position of power or a position of lacking power? I do not want to be a passive person, but sometimes I hear the word "submissive" especially "submissive wife" and seriously, feelings of anger or oppression rise to the surface. What's up with that? How can I be a follower of Jesus, a man who sumbitted His life to God, but was the least passive person on earth? Think about it for a second. If he had been a little more passive, I don't think it would've caused him to be hated so much that it resulted in being crucified. This man really pissed some people off, and it was the people who held authority and prestige before the people of that day. Another thought, being passive is in many respects, much more "safe". You're not rocking the boat, your not getting any disapprovals that are loud enough to put your life at risk...and this isn't how Jesus lived. But he was a man who lived his life completely out of submission to God.

So, what's up with these feeling of anger or of being oppressed when the terms "submit" or be a "submissive wife" come in earshot? Could it be that my response is valid, but it's a response to what I've confused being passive as being submissive? Being truly submissive in a biblical way, I think, is a position of control and power and strong will. I am not doing something because someone is "making me" or because of anything someone else says or thinks if I do or do not do something or behave a certain way. If I do it, it is because I'm doing it of my own accord. I am choosing to do this because it's what I want to do. I may not necessarily like it all that much, but I've concluded that it's something necessary that should be done for a greater good. For example, if I want to get my body in better physical shape because I want to be healthier and be able to run a marathon, I may choose to work out every day for 1 hour to achieve my ultimate goal of being in better shape. I do not necessarily like working out everyday, but I choose to do this because I want to be in better shape. Just because I choose to do something or just because I do do something or "should" do something doesn't mean I have to necessarily like the exact choice in and of itself, but it's for the greater good...the long term reward.

But if I am passively giving into something...there is no long term reward. The reward is only in the short-term, not long lived. I do it to avoid something in the short-term. Like not pissing somebody off, but doing something I don't want to do anyways and being resentful about it...where is there long term rewards for do things passively? Being passive or doing things out of passivity seems so ungodly to me. We are called to be like Jesus Christ. He was NOT a passive man. Nobody could make him do anything he didn't want to do. Everything he said, or did or did not do or did not say, was because he choose it that way. Why does it seem like so many Christians are so passive, and thinking they are being like Jesus Christ? Because it's cheap substitute for being submissive. The same could be said about being compliant versus being obedient. The difference between these two is of the attitude of the heart. The compliant one does everything expected on the outside with their polished behavior and mannerisms, while being completel detached or resentful in depths of their heart, and this, in my opinion, make all the difference in the world when it comes to relationships of all sorts. Relationships with spouses, parents, children, friends, and especially the Lord.

Let me say one thing though, to I guess, defend why compliance and passivity or so alive and well within Christianity...it is because of us Christians! Not because of the one we are following, because if we were actually doing what He did, we wouldn't be passive. But it's because it makes us look good or feel good before other people, and we think that is being religious or spiritual. Huh..?? So we figure that if we can impress those in the natural world, the physical world...we are spiritual, but in the spiritual world, in God's sight, nothing is hidden from His sight. Whey do we esteem image and appearances and behavior so much more over and above what is really there? It's nothing new I guess. And I'm just as guilty as you and everyone else is, whether you are a Christian or an Athiest, all people practice this to a certain degree. Image is far more worked on than substance, and what a cheap reward from polishing just the image.

Insights from a parent's (mine) perspective reading Proverbs 1

I guess you need to read Proverbs 1:1-19 to get a feel for what I'm about to blog on now. I just sat down to read some Proverbs and this stuff just started coming to me, so I wrote it down and thought to ramble about it on my blog..

So, right away Solomon goes into affirming the role and authority of the parents to the child (son). Especially the role as a teacher/instructor for morality and character. I hope you don't get buzzards that go off about this, I'm aware that unfortunately some parents take their role of authority/teacher in their children's lives and misuse or abuse it to their own selfish agendas, to the child's detriment, but that is not what I'm referring to here. Anyways, I'll try not to sidetrack too much here...don't have much time...

So getting back to it, these parents, or the writer/Solomon goes into explaining how there is evil and sin in the world, and the son will be faced with this, telling him to not be enticed by it. There's no rosy-colored glasses or Pollyanna portrayal of the world we live in with this scripture. The writer brings/introduces how the world operates/functions to the son (or daughter), BEFORE the opportunity comes to the son without have had this introduction or a "oh...by the way, son" from the father and the mother, I'm assuming in the home...before the child/son is independent of the father and mother, but somewhat close to the time the son is going to be living more independently...(I'm assuming he's not saying this to a toddler)...

The admonition to the son is to listen and to not forsake what his PARENTS teach and instruct him in. I noticed that was it...the father and the mother, were exlusively mentioned here. Not the Sunday school teacher, not the Preacher, school teacher, grandparents, etc., though all these people may play a valuable role in a child's life, it is the PARENTS' instruction and teaching here that are being esteemed and highly valued. I didn't take this, necessarily as an admonition to the child, but rather to the father and the mother!...that's including me! Doesn't this seem like there exists, an assumption that the father and the mother are taking seriously their role by being active and engaged in the child's life by giving instruction and teaching to their child(ren)? Otherwise, why emphasize the authority and credence of the instruction and teaching of the father and the mother?

Moving on..

It isn't the primary job (that came to my mind while reading this at least) of the parents to shelter the child from the evil world by diluting evil and hoping their son (or daughter) never runs across this and/or avoiding the reality that evil is indeed out there and it will present itself to the child, asking or tempting him/her to be a willing and glad participant. The author doesn't appear at all to take the approach of thinking their child is above being enticed into sin, especially sin that is well thought out, premeditated and carried out. NO! This author goes into instructing the child that he may very likely be confronted and tempted by sin. Otherwise, why stress this point and do so in the beginning of the book of these proverbs?! The author, as a parent, figuratively takes the son by the hand in an imaginative journey or stroll down the path of the life lived in sin and, takes him to the pending and inevitable, eventual end result of living this type of a life.

The writer lays it all down for the son to see what lays ahead if he were to take that path. He doesn't avoid the topic, fearing it's too inappropriate or feels uncomfortable to discuss. He doesn't avoid the topic because he believes he is too good of a parent and therefore his son is above this sort of thing happening to his very own son...he doesn't avoid the topic because he doesn't know where to turn or how to introduce this maybe uncomfortable issue...NO! He brings up this issue and topic to his son, as uncomfortable as it may be, because he loves his son and knows and understands humanity and the nature of mankind, while loving and risking any pride, and choosing to not take any chances that it isn't "necessary" to talk about such things with his son, he dives right in.

Is there a lesson we, who are parents now, including myself, can walk away with? Or is there at least something here to consider seriously regarding our role as either a mother or a father? Well, I guess you can answer that for yourself, but I indeed am answering for myself in saying, -YES.

Food or Poison

Recently I've been digging and disecting the first few chapters in Genesis. It's actually been surprisingly eye opening to me on several things that I basially was "aware" of, but were never deeply struck by until now.

Taking from Genesis 3:4, the crafty serpent waters down sin by lying and deceiving Eve into believing that disobeying God, or sin, does NOT really bring about what God says it will (death).

The lie had such a strong appeal, creating this temptation and stiring up desire because it had elements and particles of truth. But they were twisted and distorted when applied to seeing the true image of God.

The elements of truth that were represented were that:
- it is good and desirable to be like God
- that God knows all things
- if they (Adam & Eve) ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they would be like God, knowing good and evil.

These elements were elements of truth. They were not lies, the lie was not about those issues, for who cares about that if you want to knock down the house?! No, the lie was about God. The bits of truth were acknowledged yet twisted into distorting who God really is, because that's all that REALLY matters. Remove the foundation, and the house will crumble. It distorts God to appear as being insecure and threatened and withholding good from us out of His insecurity, and therefore causing God to not be very trustworthy. Especially in giving us the good He knows we want and the goods we desire. "Good" is being distorted as something attainable APART from and outside of God, the end result (the good) is all that matters, not how we go about getting it...this, I believe, is a very crafty and subtle deception, that has huge ramifications. Through the serpent's presentation of the Creator, God is appearing as insecure and therefore not wanting the "goods" we desire because we can be leveled as one to be in competition with God. As if the serpent had this "insider" view of how God really is, and was now blowing the whistle on God on our behalf!

The serpent's lie is in essence saying:
'Trust me, not God. I am telling you how it really is and how God really is. I'm on your side, and God's not. You are being tricked by God, I am here to help you see how God really is, that He cannot be trusted and is withholding good from you, that I believe you should have.'

By the serpent saying in Gen 3:4 "You will not surely die" he is claiming God's words to be false, he is calling God a liar. You cannot logically conclude both statements to be true or both to be false. You either believe you will die or you believe you won't. Only one is telling you the truth, and the other is telling you a lie.

I've got more I want to share about my thoughts on this matter...but gotta cut it short right now, time is running thin...dinners still need to be made, though my brain will not stop...my fingers must...

Thanks for letting this processing junkie (me) do my thing here...^^

--to be continued...

Idle For My Idol

When your car is in idle mode...it's running, as in the motor is running, but not getting anywhere.. (I'm no mechanic so correct me if I'm wrong)... At the same time, it's using up gas and the gas tank will eventually be empty, all without reaching any sort of a destination. More or less; this is what occurs when your car is idling for a long period of time, right? Might as well turn off the motor..

When your heart is running after idols (whatever serves as your lifesource in place of God) whether it be money, religion, reputation, other people, or self, etc; you are running like hell to get your fulfillment from it, while at the same time, not getting anywhere of grand significance (in the grand scheme of things from an eternal perspective that is...life is here and gone in a flash...life is SHORT)...all the while you are using up gas (energy/time) that will eventually run out; without getting to where you wanted to end up.

We idle for our idols. We get nowhere doing this, yet we still default to idle mode to the point of idling the crap out of everything. Shut off the motor! What's your motor? Hmmm...what's my motor??? I want it reset! Ha--

If you have absolutely no dang clue what I'm talking about...then that's okay. I'm just kind of rambling on something that started in my brain late last night while trying to fall asleep...this is just a bizzare extension of that... But I think I'm finally starting to get a clue on some stuff, and it's faaaaantaaaaastic...good stuff.

PEACE-- ;]

Psalm 1:1-3

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

or stand in the way of sinners

or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers."

Okay, so I'm feeling quite pensive and wanted to get some stuff out from my mind and heart. Maybe it will encourage you, I hope you find it to do so. Maybe it will annoy you, I hope you don't find that the case...but however you find yourself is up to you, and that's between you, yourself and God. I'm not "that girl" who tries to tell you how it is, and how you should be, think, function, or live. I'm aware that people who read my blog are from all different "perspectives" and places in their journey of life here. And so am I. If you'd like to hear where I'm at in this, read on and I'm sure you'll gather where that is according to your scales. I realize I seem defensive in this, it's just that I've honestly been misunderstood plenty about this stuff, and wanted to communicate my intention or purpose in this. Being misunderstood and then judged...it happens to the best and to the worst of us...-it's life. But life won't shut me up that easily...yet!! So however you choose to respond...know that. That's my little disclaimer here:) That said...I'll get on with it...

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers."

It takes intention and execution of a plan out of that intention, to keep this truth and guidance alive and able to operate to its full capacity/measure. In other words; it doesn't "just happen" on its own. The "it" I'm referring to is the intention to NOT walk in the counsel of the wicked etc. and the high degree of intention and the tenacity required to execute this "game-plan", doesn't happen on default. Left to just live with your setting on "default mode" I wholeheartedly believe that, it will NOT happen!!

So, how can one discern what "the counsel of the wicked" is? Or "the way of sinners" or how it feels to "sit in the seat of mockers"? Read on to verse 2!

"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night."

Pretty straight-forward answer...God's law, or His Word. And one doesn't become able or sufficiently equipped to discern the above mentioned if he/she is "familiar" or "acquainted" with God's Word. It's not if one can quote chapter or books of Scripture from memory; it's first and foremost a condition/matter and disposition of one's heart, in other words, the attitude of their heart... "his DELIGHT is in the law of the Lord". He's not dutifully bound to know God's Word. He's not assigned and therefore responding out of an obligation & responsibility to know God's Word...he DELIGHTS in it. Even if no outside pressure to know the Word was felt by him, he would continue to meditate on God's laws and His Word. This is when you can be lost in time, spending hours in the Scriptures, yet not realizing how much time has gone by, because you are just pouring into what delights you...God.

"He is like a tree planted by streams of water,"

Not a rushing gushing river? I guess not. They are streams, slow and steady. But a profound and beautiful and strong thing comes out of these streams. It wasn't the chief purpose of the streams existence, but rather a byproduct of being streams...and therefore planting a tree.

"which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither."

Good and lasting fruit that the streams planted and continue to nurture this tree to the point of producing fruit in season and without having the leaves wither from production of fruit. It's roots are constantly and steadily being nurtured by the streams of water in which planted this tree.

"whatever he does prospers."

Isn't this what we all long for? To be prosperous in whatever we do? But that was the by-product of the tree being planted, which was the by-product of the streams of water. The streams of water seem to me to be an outlet of something else that resulted in an overflow from abundance, that in turn, created the streams of water, that in turn, planted a tree, that in turn, yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Is this all a by-product of simply delighting in God and His Word..which reveals His heart and mind? Could it be that simple, yet seems so out of reach...the end product is what I'm referring to? Yes!...But NO! Ahhhh!!! Ahhhaa. When you delight in God and in His Word, and therefore; are intentional in discerning His ways as a means to knowing His heart and His mind, with executing your whole life and it's decisions that life presents to you, in this light or fashion...the natural, yet somehow super-natural, byproduct is a life found to drawn in contrast with this amazing parallel to this tree that was planted by streams of water and which produces it fruit in season and doesn't wither.

Huhh...something to chew on. It does not happen over night, just like a tree isn't planted over night by streams, and in the morning to follow will produce this fruit. It takes time and a constant and steady flow that results as this tree. It's a byproduct of sowing and reaping over time. Slowly but surely, by the grace of an almighty God with a real and true everlasting love. Wow, I want that! I stumble and fall and wither up...but then look at this piece of Scripture and am greatly encouraged.

Taah Daaahh.

That's that.

Chill out!

Just some random stuff in my head that I've been thinking about recently...here's some stuff i'm saying to myself in my head. In case you were wondering if I talk to myself...yes, I DO!!^^

We should all quit wishing our lives away and start enjoying our lives NOW. Whatever and wherever we find our current circumstances...they will soon fade away, so enjoy them while they last and quit looking ahead to someday when blah blah blah happens...life is happening now and about a year ago I decided to start enjoying my life NOW. Especially with my daughter because her years with me when I can snuggle with her and play with her will all be history too soon.

Life is short. Let me say it again...life is short...-play hard, love hard, work hard, rest hard, pray hard, worship hard, and then die hard. Do it all the way, be carefree but not careless and hasty.

Lighten up...don't be so dang uptight about everything...especially yourself. Just like Solomon says in Ecclesiastes...(I'm paraphrasing)...live your life and enjoy all you have to the fullest...yet remember that you will indeed one day be called to give an account of how you lived your short life on earth.

Thank God for grace...abundant grace...thank God for that Jesus Christ who offered up this awesome grace for any and all who would accept and turn from themselves to Him....or what a bloody stinkin mess covered with a nice and pretty facade we'd find many of ourselves in...only sooo long until that facade will inevitably fade away...bye bye...adios...all gone..PERIOD.

emotionally constipated

I'm a girl. So, girls are by nature; more emotional, right? Well, actually I think that guys are emotional in their own right, but just have much different ways of re-channeling their emotions than the other half of us; some are healthier, some are not. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going to end up with all of this, but just wanted to do some rambling on the topic of emotions.

Been doing some thinking and stuff about the whole thing of human emotions, they are an amazing thing aren't they?!...emotions. They can get us in a lot of trouble if we show them too much, and they can get us in a lot of trouble by stuffing them too much. What a conundrum.

In society at large; I'll speak of American society I guess since that's where I have most of my experience^^...emotions are a weird thing. By the way, it's inevitable that I'm going to make some generalizations here...there are always going to be many many exceptions...but from my own little point of view here (which is all I can offer since I'm not all-knowing)...this is my take on it...at this particular time.

Emotions are for the most part; best to keep a lid on, at least this is the message many of us grow up being told in one way or another. We are taught from early childhood, how to "behave" or what is acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior, which has it's good and beneficial place; but aren't most of our behaviors as children (and I guess as adults too) caused or put in motion by an emotion of some sort? I'm no psychologist here; just a person who lives everyday experiencing life...but definitely no expert^^ but doesn't this kinda bug you? Well, it doesn't really bug me and make me loose sleep over it, but I do see the contradiction here and I guess this is my own way of trying to blabber about it in an attempt to process it and make some sort of sanity out of it.

Uncontrolled emotions can be very harmful; to self and to others. Yeah...I get that...trust me...-I get that one. But seriously...don't people usually get to that point of exploding or boiling over to a certain extent with emotions BECAUSE they were not given much "permission" to express those emotions initially? What's better? If they (and I guess I'm referring to mostly children and adolescents -but eventually these children/adolescents become adults) are given the chance or permission or dare I even say, encouragement, to safely blow off their steam at the onset of them...and therefore be able to process it within a safe and loving environment, (which ideally would be the family or the closest thing one has to that), therefore letting it blow off and watch it go up in some minor vapor or steam...rather than holding it in and having it go up later in toxic flames because it was being stuffed too long and shouldn't have; wouldn't the former be far better than the latter? But why is this so seldom the case? Especially within "Christian households"?

I'm not really speaking about my own "stuff" here, because I'm old enough to know now that it's not only MY stuff, rather it's something rather common. And if you're not old enough or versed enough in life to get that, then hmmm...sorry...got nothing for ya here on that...

Anyways...tangents...uhhhggg!! Well, okay Kristen...just let it out...blow off some steam about blowing off steam!!! Hehehe...okay. Well, I just don't like how people are so enamored with emotionally constipating themselves and their children? What is it with people these days and being so emotionally-phobic? Okay, I know I'm probably hitting on somebody's nerve...ohhh...do you feel your emotions rising? Well...you should just stuff them or relax and act like it's nothing. Just take an emotional laxative later on...which actually is just a delusion. Enough of the patronizing..

I get that people shouldn't wear their emotions on the cuffs of their sleeves. OK...I GET THAT! And aren't I doing a great job of demonstrating that one?! But what about the other extreme? Why is it not okay for people...especially people whom we are in relationship with....whether is be really intimate or just more acquaintanceship...not okay? What are we afraid of here? REALITY? Why does our culture say you must first hide or mask those strong emotions? Man, I guess I'm being too vague here.

I have a 3 year-old daughter who could be explained as the quintessential of being emotionally free. Well, she's 3. She's hasn't been completely "civilized" yet, but I sometimes think to myself...I'm going to, or at least I want to teach my child that the way she is wired is a strength and I can handle that...at least I'd better be able to handle that -don't have much of a choice! Yet I want to be able to show her how to effectively channel her emotions to be let out in a way that is beneficial to her and to others...and that's not going to happen by just telling her to "Shut-up", either by saying just that, or by saying it not exactly like that, but rather in a more passive-aggressive manner...whatever that looks like. But the funny thing is...I think I'm realizing, I don't really know how to do this myself!!! So, it's the blind leading the blind...but my first steps in walking this direction is to see it for what it really is. That is; to see it as it is...not as the way it "should" be or the way I wish it was.

And that, I guess brings me a little more close to my point here. Why are we (including me btw) so uptight about one expressing their emotions to us...(I'm referring to people we are in relationship with, not strangers off the street) instead we get all uptight...why can't people just see things as they are and say things as they are and then work through that? I realize that in doing this...many misconceptions will undoubtedly arise or be revealed...but that's okay, actually this is what, in my opinion, is what we should embrace and be ready to engage in...it's the door way to truth, reality, or the realization of how far we are from reality and truth...it is what it is..and if we can't say what we think/feel..how can we work out the misconceptions? If my daughter tells me she doesn't like me and that I'm mean...than she's expressing her current emotion in response to something...I think I should be okay with that. If I tell my husband or sister something I see or feel in response to something they have said or done...then I'm speaking or sharing my emotion or feeling about that...it's not writing it down in stone...it's just blowing off steam.

Now I realize that, as an adult doing this, I'm much better off by making it very clear in the beginning to the other person that is what I'm doing...just blowing off some steam...and not claiming absolutes, statements or judgements about them...but I and they should be allowed to do this...in an effort to move forward and get on with life...not to just stuff it because it doesn't sound very nice!

Do you get it? If not, and you think I'm a nut...then I guess I'd be a hypocrite in saying you can't tell me that...given what I've been saying in this post, in my attempt to blow off my little steam. Choo choo...I'm out--PEACE~!!

Snowy Day Ramblings

We're having another little snow storm here in MN. Man, it was pretty nice to have those few days of above freezing temperatures, but that was short-lived.

I don't take too much to the long winters here in MN. I kinda wish I could pack up my family and a couple of friends in MN and move them all down to somewhere that has much shorter and milder winters. It's not that I don't like winter, but it just seems to be getting longer and longer every year!

I've thought several times of moving away from MN. It sounds really nice actually, but I'd definately want my sisters and their families to come with, which is the hard part! I guess every place has its pros and cons. So at least for the next few years...we'll have to endure the MN winters...and learn to enjoy them more. Having a child helps...children seem to love winter and snow, which is good.

Slumdog Millionaire

Wow, I am really on a roll here, I've been writing a lot of blogs lately. It's actually in part because my husband got a new laptop, and I'm enjoying using it too -a new toy!

So yeah...last night my sister and I saw Slumdog Millionaire and I love the movie. I even bought the soundtrack today.

What is it that pulled me into this movie? That's kind of a hard question to answer, because I can't really put my finger on it. It could be because it's a foreign/independent film...and I really like learning and exposing myself to other countries and cultures from their own standpoint...not a Hollywood-American glamour shots' view - I guess I've claimed that I like raw reality, and man...you are definitely exposed to raw reality from the slums of Mumbai, India in this movie. I also have a special interest in India for a couple of reasons. We sponsor a precious little girl there and I've kinda grown fond of her via letter writing and picture exchanges. Also, from reading several books written by native India born-American citizens. Another great movie I saw a couple of years ago that really was the initial eye opener for me regarding the slums in India was Born Into Brothels which broke my heart to watch, while also swelling it up with compassion for these children and giving me a reality check.

So, why did I like this movie so much? Ok ok ok...maybe it's because I'm a sucker for love. This had a beautiful love story intertwined with all the gut wrenching scenes of the slums in India and what those children's lives are like growing up there.

I don't want to give away too much of the movie; but this character Jamal does win over, or at least won over my heart. But nonetheless...these are the movies right? But what's up with that tug in the heart that made me such a sucker for this kind of romance?

When we got home and I was telling this to my husband...as he was rolling his eyes at me, I told him there's something more to it then just the movie and making your heart beat a little faster. This is what I strongly believe we were created for and long for. To be sought after like this Jamal character does so winsomely. But ultimately...this craving and longing in our hearts to be pursued after for who we are and not what we have to offer was placed in us by our Creator who is consumed with an everlasting, pursuing and passionate love for us as His beloved people. It's great when we can get those little glimpses from the movies that tap into this part of our hearts or genetic makeup, but then what? Leave you hanging and daydreaming! Well...I'm so thankful that I have found my Ultimate soul-mate...my Creator and Lord Jesus Christ. He is the One who can fulfill and make me realize what and why that longing is there for. It's a beautiful thing when you have the eyes of faith to see this and the reality from experiencing it firsthand from the Lord. It can really free you up to stop searching for that in people and things that ultimately do not fulfill that longing. And I know I'm not crazy for admitting this...it's the world that will tell us in some sort of fashion that we are crazy or making things up when seeing this reality...the reality that we were formed out of love...for One love to fulfill...and that is the love from God...shown in Jesus Christ. Awww...all the things we constantly do to deny this or reject this or belittle this...we think we can get it from our own resources or from other people's resources...but that is just like trying to bit into a nice juicy steak, not realizing it's in a ziplock bag! It will not satisfy even though it appears like it will.

This is in many respects how I have experienced life with God so far. He's Who I've been looking for all of my life...and I'm the one He's been constantly pursuing and waiting and pursuing and waiting...for me to return His love and invitation to walk in the fullness of a relationship with Him. Well, this is my raw reality...sometimes it's too raw for some I guess...

Continuation of $40,000 + piece of paper :)

A great friend challenged my thinking and I wanted to narrow in on how I explain my own views on education.

Education is something that should be highly valued by individuals and society. There are many benefits to earning your degree other than just getting a job. For example, the intellectual growing and maturing process that hopefully takes place. Granted, it also takes quite a bit of discipline in completing a degree, or else on the contrary; it does not require a lot of self-discipline, rather just the ability to follow someone else's instructions and accomplish what your Prof or class instructor defines as adequate to please them, therefore earning a grade according to their scale of sufficiency. Hmmm...this may be another tangent...

I want to pass this value onto my daughter; that education is very important and to encourage her to go far and do well in it. I honestly think that from my personal experience as an adolescent, unfortunately I undervalued my education by far. If I had valued it more, I think my life would have been quite different...not necessarily happier, but quite different nonetheless. But, taking that into consideration now and applying it to my life as a young adult with her own family now, who hasn't completed her degree due to the above reason mentioned...should I now go for it? Well, personally I think that it isn't necessary at this time, given my current circumstances and measuring it with the values I currently seem to hold (which may change...and that's okay..it doesn't have to be dogmatic)

Am I throwing education off to the wayside because I deem it "too late" to do me any real good? Absolutely not. I value education now so much more then when I was in my younger years...therefore; I am a (wannabe) avid reader. I love to participate in intellectual stimulating activities...my brain feasts upon it, even if I don't completely understand it! I love to read and research and write about things I'm learning or in the process of even changing paradigms because of things I learn, and I love it! That's a huge reason why I think I take to this blogging stuff! I may not be an excellent writer and I may struggle through reading certain material...but I love it and am growing ever so slowly in the process. This, I think brings much value to society.

In order for higher learning to be of benefit; excluding job placement factors...does not necessarily mean learning must be done in a classroom, in a formal institutionalized setting and structure. I ask myself..."Does our culture tend to overrate institutionalized higher education far and above experience and 'free' learning that does not result in a recognized degree?"

Going to school/college to receive a formal education, is one (expensive) of several avenues to take when your goal is plainly to educate yourself and to grow intellectually. It's an admirable endeavor, but in my personal opinion...our society isn't necessarily better off if people just got their college educations. Well, let me re-phrase that...it's quite plausible to say that our economy may likely be better off if there were more college educated people dwelling in it. But, that does not necessarily equate a better society or a wiser one; in holistic terms.

So, I guess to summarize it I could say; higher education that results in some sort of degree is very valuable and an admirable thing to obtain, but should be put in it's proper place when deciding how to apply this value/asset into one's personal goals to achieve when it comes to education at a later age. This is all my thinking out loud, or on a screen on this issue...fun issue...but who knows...I could be reading, learning new stuff that may cause me to re-think all of this stuff in my endeavors to learn as I go...outside of the walls of institutionalized higher-learning...

Slumdog

Wow. If you named any random movie that's come out in the past decade, I probably didn't see it...even if it was a hit and won tons of awards...I probably didn't see it. I'm just not all that into movies. I'm a little snobby about them, in my own way. I don't know much about them because I think most of them are a waste of time...but I just saw Slumdog Millionaire tonight with my sister, and wow. I absolutely feel in love with this movie and the characters...especially the children. If you haven't seen it yet...this is one of those very few I'd totally recommend, and see it in the big screen...totally worth it. I may write more about it later because it's late...but if you haven't seen it...go see it.

The soundtrack is pretty catchy too...I wanna get my hands on that one...

My opinion about the $40,000+ piece(s) of paper

My husband and I were recently at a social gathering, and a very nice retired man made some pleasant conversation with us. In conversing he learned that Moses was going to school for nursing, and offered some very positive encouragement to him. It's great to hear because going to school is a very difficult endeavor, especially with a full time career and a young family. This kind older man, in his encouragement shared that he had asked his wife on her 37th birthday, "So, do want to be a 40 year-old with a degree or without?" His wife then decided to go back to school to complete her 4-year degree and therefore could celebrate her 40th birthday as a 40 year-old with her degree.

When we were driving back home I jokingly said to my husband, "I'm going to die without my degree!" This was a very pleasant man with a pleasant conversation, but touched on a topic that I've actually done some pondering on...the question about me ever going back to school to finish my college degree. If you care to know, this is where I'm at with that right now...

If I were to go back to school to complete my degree now, I would in all honesty be doing it for what I believe are all the wrong reasons...just like I tried to do a couple of years ago...what a waste.. It would be for the primary purpose of getting that piece of paper that declares I have done it...finished my degree. It would be to try and "prove my status" to the world with that piece of paper. Would it be able to get me a better paying job? Perhaps. Would I feel proud of my accomplishment? Perhaps. Would it be worth all the money it costs now to fund an education, would it be worth it to commit more of my time towards earning this degree, therefore reducing the amount of time I have to spend with my family? Absolutely NOT. In my mind...the possibility of those pros coming to fruition do not even come close to weighing out the cons.

Why would I go through all that work and pay all that money simply to get that piece of paper, aka. that degree? It would be non-sense! Yet from that kind man's story about his wife, many do it for that end...to just get that degree.

In my thinking, I ask myself, 'What's the purpose of getting a degree?' Isn't it to get you a job so that you will be able to provide for yourself and your family? If so, you might as well enjoy doing that, so get a job that you will be good at (matches your personality/strengths/talents) so you therefore will hopefully enjoy your work. If getting the degree is a means to that end...than yes, I think it's definately worth it. But if getting that degree is the chief end to getting the degree...yuck! I am not responsible for earning the flaky respect of the society, so why would I want to put in all that work and pay all that money and spend all that time in trying to accomplish a task that's not meant for me? If I wanted to be a doctor to support my family and I feel it matches my talents/interests etc., then I would go to medical school. If I liked working with numbers and being accurate, I might go to school to be an accountant. Or if I liked working with my hands, I might go to school to be a plummer or a mechanic etc.. That is all fine and dandy. But this pressure that is out there (and that I've frankly succumbed to at times) to go get a degree to prove your worth and attach it to your identity...is in my mind...pathetic and a huge waste of valuable and limited resources.

So, if I ever feel a strong pull to go to school and finish or re-start a degree/certificate/Ph.D/ or whatever...may it be for the above mentioned reason, and not be in vain..to just get that very pricey wishy washy peice of paper. But if I can get the results that the piece of paper "promises" without getting that pieice of paper...yea me...thank God...and forget about getting that piece of paper!!! Are you following me, or am I going solo now, falling off that rocker?

That said:

To all the people I know that are working so hard in getting that degree (whether it be new, old, or their 3rd degree) ie. my husband, sister, friends; I want to give you a big shout out -- GO FOR IT! Because I know these people are working hard for that great end...to provide for themselves and their families they love, and to enjoy that responsibility, by doing it well, instead of dreading it and regreting it and therefor the whole family can easily struggle with that. You are doing an awesome job and a hard one...but even if you never did get that degree; you'd be worth way more than the cost of that piece of paper you will be getting some day soon!! Keep up the hard work!!

Family Matters and other random stuff that spins off...

Right now my niece is over playing with Isabelle. Since she's been here I've actually been able to get a lot done!

Usually 2 weeks don't pass without me being asked, "So when are you going to have more kids?" It doesn't bother me at all. It's just a question. My usual answer is "eventually". We are waiting for Moses to finish school first, or at least be pretty close to done, so by the time baby would arrive, he's not in school and working. This of course is the "plan", but plans are just that...plans.

I guess it may seem "ideal" to have another child sooner than later, but I am having a hard time believing that the age of the first child should be the primary determining factor when considering the timing of another child. I believe other factors should be looked at, such as the financial stability of the family, the health of the mother, the temperament of the child and how the family dynamics are, and the stability of the marriage. If one of these are overlooked, and are unstable, then having the "correct space" between the children for the ideal family seems a bit off to me.

So, more then likely our children will be farther apart than "the average". That's if things go as we plan, they will probably be at least 5 years apart. There are pros and cons to this, just like there are pros and cons to popping out babies one after another. We just gotta weigh them out to the best of our ability factoring our current situation with what we believe we want in the long run, yet being completely aware that the future can throw anything our way.

If we only have one child, than I'm okay with that too. Actually, I feel so blessed right now to be able to enjoy having only one child, and I think that's a mutual feeling with Isabelle and Moses too. I am only one person. I'm fully aware of my limitations and unique wiring, therefore I feel very content only having one child at this time. I'm able to focus much more keenly on my child's needs and respond to them without feeling pulled in so many different directions. Don't get me wrong, I completely respect those I know who have more than one young child right now, and more power to them! But as for me...I know this is right for me and my family at this time.

We, as all different types of people, are each in different places in our lives, with different backgrounds and unique makeup regarding so many different aspects of life. It's ridiculous to compare ourselves to others, like comparing apples to oranges. Besides, we only know such a limited amount of the bleak pictures we see into others' lives...unless we get the very rare opportunity and invitation to be intimately involved with the inner-workings of peoples' lives, you only see the tip of the iceberg.

I guess you could say that the more I feel I'm 'growing up', the more I understand that people are so uniquely created and therefore experience life very differently...and that is an okay thing. No, that is a beautiful thing. When we have the freedom to be as we are and see others as they are, and honor the differences instead of compare, judge, and bull shit ourselves into thinking that we are better than others, when the truth is we are actually just different than others...when we get this...we can start to grow up a little! I'm just starting...not perfect in this...but do feel like I've been doing some growing up in the past few years...it's fun, I highly recommend it! Ahhhhaaa~unless you are already done that is...:)

Inauguration triggers some reflections

Watching the inauguration of Barack Obama today inspired me to write a little about some of my recent thoughts regarding this historical event. I don't care what your political ideologies are, we as a nation can and should come together and be proud of what took place today. But honestly, if you, like me, don't find it as easy coming or natural to think much of the event at first (without getting caught up in the media spotlights)...than I think it's okay, as long as you START at that point, but not end there.

I, unfortunately, like many other Americans in my generation who don't easily relate/identify with a common background/history of African Americans, not out of evil intent, but just out of possible ignorance or just being human and naturally seeing things from a narrow point of view (the one we can relate closest to being similar in ours because we are not all-knowing), should be confronted with not staying content to continue in this cloud of ignorance. Believe me, I am not one to say that I stand above others who struggle with any kinds of prejudices or discrimination of people who are different than I, but this is something that I want to struggle to grow more and more OUT of, rather then struggle to rationalize being able to remain in this state of mind.

I think that most people, if they are completely honest with themselves do hold some sort of prejudices. This shouldn't be so hard to state. It's the starting point in growing out of it. And I'm excited to start growing out of it more and more. I think the biggest problem isn't the fact that prejudices and discrimination exists, but that so many are okay with it and therefore perpetuate it. In whatever race/socio-economic class that exists, each have this "social norm" of certain prejudices/discrimination. It's all pooled together and the pushing force in perpetuating it is apathetic ignorance. What do we do to at least get out of this apathy that lingers regarding so much ignorance? I think the first is to realize it's NOT okay!

After declaring that we do not want to be okay with this ignorance, then what? What about just educating yourself? It's hard (but not impossible) to remain ignorant when you get more in touch with people from different backgrounds and not just educate yourself on statistical data or textbook kind of knowledge, but to try and understand other people's STORIES of their own lives they've lived. Get behind the textbook data and into people's lives -from THEIR own perspective, not a historian or third party author, though it's probably a good start I think. Well, I'm kinda just talking to myself out loud on this post...I should really take my own advice...

Last week my husband and I watched "The Great Debaters" with Denzel Washington and it really opened my eyes to a my own ignorance. Even though I've grown up "knowing" from school textbooks, about the oppression and injustices the African Americans endured and still do in many aspects, this movie, for some reason really hit me. It helped me to realize the great progress and significance of now having a black President. I was rather torn at the Poll back in November regarding the presidential candidates, but I am now in a position of feeling hope and more openness to our new President. I think it's time and I'm looking forward with anticipation, like millions of others to see how he will arise to the occasion. I am not worried, but more hopeful. I am celebrating this day in history because I have taken baby steps in educating myself and realizing what this day means, for Blacks and everyone else.

Unexpected and Unforseen lessons/thoughts/reflections from the class called "The Real Life" and the oldest book in the Bible --Job.

So, I've been trying to read my Bible from Genesis to Revelation for the 4th or 5th time? In the past few years, I've been able to do this without much problem within a year. But since having Isabelle, I think it's taken me almost 3 years to complete it! I keep skipping around, which I think is fine.

It's been difficult to get into reading the book of Job, which has been the place of my bookmark for several weeks as I'd honestly rather be reading the New Testament or other books, but I doove into it today with tunnel vision.

I think a lot of it has to do with some very recent things that have been happening in my life; specifically in my marriage. My husband and I have been butting heads about some issues and not being able to get out of this crazy cycle. I'm getting pretty sick of it, and so is he. We are in on this together for the long run though; so exiting the relationship is not an option; no matter how appealing it may feel at certain times...the thought is presented, then exited...which I think is nothing new to marriages.

Marriages are often, one of the many contexts in which God seems to do a lot of plain hardcore work. I can picture Him rolling up His sleeves when the knot is tied! Not like His intentions are to smash us to pieces and leave us to ourselves. But rather -a strong marriage (a firm standing commitment to stay together no matter what comes your way and to enjoy the commitment rather than regret it) often presents the opportunity for the good, the bad and the ugly within, to be let loose. With God being actively involved (usually because He's sought out) it's a real opportunity to become a better and stronger and more mature individual...and therefore a better and stronger and more mature unit. At least this is what I see based on my experiences and observation of others thus far (regarding the marriage relationship providing this sort of opportunity). Call it discipleship 101, humbling, teaching, molding, sharpening, maturing and shaping and they all seem to fit. This may not be the case for those who have already completed all of the above processes, but to the rest of us who are behind...it often is. This can be a good thing, actually it can be a beautiful thing...or it can be a total disaster; depending much on how we respond and approach/handle the normal conflicts which arise in doing life so intertwined with another individual.

So what does all this have to do with the book of Job? If you've ever read the entire book and all the discourses recorded in this ancient yet timeless book you will recall the story. Job was a well-known blessed man. In every sense, life was going well for him. His family, friends, career/livelihood were all very beneficial and satisfying to him. He's introduced to us as this man who was "blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil." In fact God was even bragging about His servant Job to Satan and challenging him. Well, of course Satan wouldn't be one to pass on such a challenge from his enemy...God. So it was on...in an attempt to get Job to curse God to His face, Satan completely destroyed all that God allowed him to, not sparing anything but the breath coming out of his mouth (his life).

Well, in reading this in the context of what's been going on with Moses and I and our "issues" of arguing eachother half to death on certain points, a light went on in my head..."bling". Finally when I got done reading chapter 19 I thought to myself...Job is in deep pain and anguish (physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally) for he was suffering like most of us could never imagine. Yet when his friends who traveled from their distant homes and met up in an agreement with each other, to go and sympathize with Job and comfort him had arrived...after 7 days of silence, they responded to this suffering man's words and cries with harsh judgement! And even worse...they claimed that this judgement was on behalf of God, for they used God and His name to defend their own judgements. It seemed to me as though they were completely blinded by their quest to "speak up for God and what's right" for "God's sake" that they actually angered God in the end. They failed to do what they had originally set out to do which was a good thing...to sympathize with Job and comfort him. They were unable to respond to what they couldn't see, -Job's pain, and therefore were unable to comfort him because they wanted so badly to correct Job and to make their own points and arguments against Job's words...words poured out in agony. To Job's friends, being "right/accurate" versus being compassionate and loving and kind, took precedence. And this was what caused God to be angry with them (the friends) because the quest for being "right" rather than being loving and compassionate wasn't actually right in God's eyes, given the particular circumstance. Even though Job charged God and railed at Him in his deep suffering and agony and was full of "errors" in doing so...Job was not charged for any wrongdoing. In the end...he was actually doubly blessed.

What does this reveal about God? What does this reveal about how we should relate with each other (specifially in marriages although this applies in many other kinds of relationships too)? That God desires love and compassion in the face of pain and suffering over and above "being right"? Are we more concerned with being "right" in the face of conflicts with each other more than being loving and responding to any kind of offense or pain the other may be experiencing, be it ever so small in our perspective? Are we to judge whether the source of this pain/suffering or offense is of validity or to assume we know whom to blame, and therefore excuse the consequences that followed as saying "that's what they get"?

Do we do what Job's friends did in dealing with our own conflicts and confrontations with our spouses, children, friends or other family members or even society at large? Do we fail to see any hint or traces of pain and suffering or offense because we are on this quest to correct everyone's thinking/beliefs/feelings? I think sometimes this is often what happens. Not always.

Let's not go to the other extreme of saying that God holds little regard for the truth or being right/accurate about what we think and believe, as long as we are just being loving and compassionate. Clearly the Scriptures reveal that God is all about truth...He is The Truth in the personhood of Jesus Christ...entirely. But this is not what I'm speaking of. I'm speaking of the times within the context of our relationships, when there is any kind of conflict resulting in any pain or suffering being experienced by someone in whom we are in relationship with...when they speak out of this pain and suffering or offense...many "errors" can often come out of their mouths at that time. But I think what I'm getting out of this whole thing with Job is that it is NOT our primary job to correct/defend/accuse the person, given the circumstances. Let GOD do that! And that's exactly what He did. He spoke out of the storm and responded to all the discourse with His own questions, in which NONE of them could answer...including Job...yet God did NOT become angry with Job. He confronted Job's friends for not speaking of Him right...yet commended Job for speaking "what is right".

So, wrapping it up here...I guess moral of my little post here is that I'm learning that within our relationships, being "right" isn't always what is necessarily "right". That responding to people in their pain and suffering of whatever sort, with love and compassion takes precedence -THIS is right. There may be a time and place for discussing how we may disagree with them...but let that be put on hold and wait until there is reconciliation and healing FIRST. This can be applied to any kind of relationship in which conflicts arise. I think it even has some limited applicability/relevance to how we respond to social issues in our culture/community/society as people who call themselves Christians. This wasn't my original thought when I ventured out on this post, but I think it could be...but I think that's enough for now on this...

Why I Will Not Buy Me a Coach Handbag..(bear with my slight crassness and sarcasm)

Because every female and her Mother, sister, aunt, niece, and Grandma in America have one...or at least a knock off.

Seriously...why should I? Why do so many women/girls aka. females have these? Many of my beloved females have one, and I do love them (the females). But I've noticed that I cannot go out in public without seeing at least one. Whether it's the real thing or a knock off...who knows...but it's all one in the same to me.

Chasing after the Joneses, or the Ms. Joneses. Really now...how individualistic are we if we all try to be like the crowd. We reserve the right, in our pursuit of obtaining happiness, to be like how all the ads and media tell us we should be, but to do this in our own individual way....ahhh yes...that is the American way. That is the American dream baby~ to get all we can so we can try and be like everyone else, or even better...maybe you can "one up" some on the way to be like everyone else...of course in our own individualistic ways mind you.

Of course I know that I am no major exception to this rat race phenomenon that I speak of, but I at least like to think that I'm taking more and more steps AWAY from this futile and tragic rat race of chasing after the Joneses (the cheese). "Hey look...they have an Escalade....I want an Escalade...hey look she has a coach handbag....I want 5 Coach handbags....ahhh...they are going on a vacation to Florida...I want to go on a vacation to Florida...they all have the newest iPods, iPhones...blah blah blah". Like walking Zombies is how I've heard it termed...I think it unfortunately accurately depicts the mainstream culture in America. You can find this mainstream thinking in every sub-culture. You don't necessarily have to be educated and be of the elite class...you can be living on food stamps while doing your own version of the rat race..chasing after the Joneses.

So, it's my little stance. I will not buy a coach handbag because I don't want to buy into what it represents in my perception...being like everyone else, or what everyone else calls "cool" or even "standard". Even though it appears to have some label attached to it, and I think that is more of why people buy them...because they're wanting the label that they believe is attached to owning one and somehow buying into this lie that you are someone better if you carry a coach handbag vs. one from Target (that doesn't look like a cheap imitation of one). How pathetic. I'm in and out of the pathetic game...but indeed I see...it is just that --a pathetic game.

It's not that I hold some kinda weird grudge against these certain items or things...there's nothing wrong with them in and of themselves. I may have one myself someday, who knows!?. But rather it's the vanity behind all the motivation that moves people to spend so much money on these things demanding they must have them all NOW....a desperate attempt to "purchase" an identity that they believe is attached to having ownership of these materialistic items, mostly because that's what the ads and the media and all their devout followers adhere to.

So, if you ever see me with a coach handbag...slap me! But before you do ask me where I got it, and I'm sure you'll learn it was a gift or someone gave it away for free to me.

chuga chuga choo choo!

This is me with my daughter and neices on New Year's Eve having a little massage train! This is one thing I'm known for amongst them...massages! I love my all my beautiful little girlies!!!

Sub-Culture Diversity In Marriage

Yesterday I had a pretty cool talk with my husband. I really do cherish these, and must say they are unfortunately far and few between. Much of this is due to the nature of just being busy parents.

So, it was New Year's Eve in the afternoon, and we had some plans but I was pondering on the fact that my husband and I don't seem to have a tight group/circle/network of mutual friends. Why not? At first I was a little upset and blaming him for this, then I realized that it's because we, as individuals are so different, that it would be hard to find people or someone who could related to both of us, and we to them in a meaningful and mutual way. I have my own friends that I feel like I can go to with just about anything, whether it's serious or not. He doesn't really and says it's very hard for him to be able to relate to a lot of the people here in Minnesota.

He grew up in El Paso, TX. A very different place, a very different childhood...and so here we are..married and raising our daughter. We see lots of things differently, from a different perspective. But the differences we have need to be put in their proper place -and stay there. The differences we have are insignificant in the grand scheme of things; especially if you look at it regarding the Kingdom of God and eternity. Yet, these difference definately do put up some challenges in our marriage. But like I said -we need to put them in their proper place...and see them in their proper place. I'm not saying we need to pretend they do not exist or have much to do with how we do life as a couple. They do infact exist and can and have created much conflict. But not conflict that is unresolvable -given that we both approach it and deal with it, and put it in its proper place...for these are and should remain second class identifiers, not first. They should not define us alone as a primary identifier, individually or as a unit/couple.

So, what are these differences that I speak of? Primarily social/cultural differences...differences that I think are reflective of culture...culture of man/human... Man's ways of perceiving their environment and how to respond to it, mostly by measuring it by what man thinks...not necessarily what God thinks. This is by no means a scholarly reflection, but just some of my random thoughts that are very likely ignorant and totally not PC. I do realize though that it is being posted on the world wide web, so I will try to be careful and how I share my thoughts, while also trying not to do injustice to my subjective truth regarding my experience/perceptions (which are often changing)...

Culture is something that is very ingrained in us. This is not necessarily bad, nor is it necessarily good. So what place does culture have in the kingdom of God? I think it definately has a place in the Kingdom...because the Kingdom is about people...and people (at least on this planet) come from a culture. God loves people, -period. But God doesn't necessarily love everything about the culture they are from, even though I think He values the personhood completely. So, how much power/authority are we going to allow or at least knowingly allow our culture to have over us? Well, this is tested out in our marriage in many respects.

Let me state that the differences we have are, I believe, in having a different sub-cultures (socio-economic) we grew up in. We both were raised in an American culture. But I was raised in a "middle-class White American" sub-culture; while he was raised in a "lower class Hispanic/Latino" (in his own words) sub-culture. But even though in in the view of the vastness of cultures on the globe; our little differences do have play a role in how we do life as a couple/family/marriage.

But, why do we let these difference -little as they are in the grand scheme of things...effect so much of how we do life with others and determining who we do life with and how much we will do life with? I am preaching to the choir also (myself)! AHHHH-- it seems so fundamentally and logically stupid...yet we do it like we breath air...so naturally! Why is it so hard for us to find more of these mutual friends that are somewhere out there...over the rainbow way up high...!! Why? Why? Why?

Okay, I got started on this, but i must stop for tonight. I need to get some sleep, and maybe this seems like a good place to rest...T.B.C.