Me First - Examination

In being a Christ-follower I'm called to conduct self-examination thoroughly before I even consider conducting cross-examination.  I am much better at conducting cross-examination though, because practice makes perfect :)  To conduct self-examination aright, I need the help of others, trusted companions who can see my blind spots.

I tend to function like an accountant that keeps track of the balance sheets with a slight bias.  I tend to keep track, in my favor.  A trusted companion, a sister who will love me, comfort me, and tell me the truth in what she sees will tell me when I'm way off.  When she's accepted my invitation to be in my life as an insider, she will help me see where I've misplaced blame onto others or myself.  She will also help me see that my feelings, no matter how illogical they may sound to others, do have validity and an important place.  She is indispensable.

Removing the logs in my eyes on my own is a scary business.  If I have logs sticking out of my eyes, how the heck can I see clearly to remove them without further injuring myself?  This is where the help of a loving and trustworthy friend's perspective and direction come into play.  For if I'm walking around with logs in my eyes, I certainly will hurt others when trying to remove their specks while conducting cross-examination before or instead of self-examination.  When it comes to examining conduct, attitudes and choices -it's me first baby.  I'm to look at myself first.  Ouch.

My trusted companions are an indispensable part of this path, and so am I to them.  In learning to be a safe person for others to trust, and trusting others myself, I'm moving along on this path of sanctification, toward holiness, and holiness cannot be lived in loneliness.  The backbone to all of this will become evident in whom or what I'm putting my faith in.  If I want a solid backbone, I'm learning and re-learning that I need to put my trust, my faith in Jesus.  He is my life-source, my Rock.  No matter how painful it may be to remove my logs, sometimes to just grow a new one, or how patient I must learn to be when asked to help another be a part of their log removal project, I can trust Jesus with the process.

I can walk this path, seeing clearer and clearer, one day at a time.  With the help of others showing up in my life, as I also chose to show up for others, including myself...I'll get this down more and more.

Seriously, taking one day at a time...

Needs or Chains?

More often than I care to admit, I confuse my needs with my wants.

When my valid, God-given needs start demanding that they get met in a precise way and in a precise time frame, they aren't my needs anymore; they're my chains.  They chain me to dependence on people instead of dependence on God.  They chain me to resentment and to operating out of fearing how I'll feel if those I depend on don't come through for me in the way or time frame I think they should.  When I demand that they do.

I'm learning to trust these needs to God, to submit my needs to Him, not people.  My needs are so valid and significant that they must be surrendered to a sinless, all-loving, all-powerful Being.  Thankfully one exists Who is willing and able to oversee them; His name is Jesus.  He most often meets my needs through people, but I want my dependence to be on Him, not them, for that is where freedom and peace come.  He will get my needs met in the right time.  It may not be on my timetable, but the agenda behind His timetable for meeting my needs is love.  The kind of love that results in transformation; becoming more like Him, who is full of grace and truth.  After all, He is the Bread of Life, and it is He who holds that perfect and powerful love that my soul longs for.  (See gospel of John)

When others do not fully meet my needs, and I start to lash out, resent, or judge them because of this; I have probably confused my needs with my wants.  The need to be heard and valued is a need.  The demand to be heard by a specific person, shown through specific words or actions, and in a specific time frame (that dishonor the value of the other person) is not a need, but rather a want disguised as a need.  It becomes apparent when this "need" becomes a demand, which keeps me in chains.  This hinders my freedom and growth, rather than engenders it.

My need for security, love, and connection etc., are each valid needs.  My demand to have these needs met in a precise way or time frame isn't a need, but a want, usually driven by fear.  I am learning to surrender all of my needs and wants to the One who can provide for them and can meet them in a way that will give me freedom and peace, apart from me having to demand them from others.

Doesn't this capture the essence of what the serpent capitalized on in his deceiving Eve?  -To mistrust God with her needs?  He used her valid needs, and deceived Eve into believing she needed to get them met on her timetable and in her own way, because God was withholding meeting them.  And the rest is history.

When it comes to meeting my needs, God really does have my back.  The way out of being in bondage to fear of not getting my needs met is through surrendering them to Him, one day at a time.  For on the other side of surrender is freedom, especially when the One I'm surrendering to is completely trustworthy and faithful.  Thankfully He is, He's Jesus.